Not Your Garden Variety Jitters....September 13, 1999

Not Your Garden Variety Jitters....September 13, 1999

When The Goddess and I first became engaged last fall, it was a novelty. It seemed as thought we had oodles of time to make all the arrangements, decide on a guest list, round up our attendants. Adding to our blissfulness, it seemed as though almost everything came together in the matter of a week; the week we became engaged in the first place. We arranged our venue, she found a dress, we found the officiator, we arranged for the cake to be made, family and friends were informed,....

Ad infinitum

Months passed like weeks, weeks like days, days like hours....

And here we are. Five days away from the big event. I feel no more prepared than when we first decided to get married, and had a year to plan everything.

People stop me on the street and ask me if I am nervous. Knowing what it is they are actually referring to, I say no. I am not nervous about the ceremony itself...at least not yet. Nevertheless, I am scared shitless because I am owed over a thousand dollars by the organizations I contract for, and it has not arrived. It is money I need desperately for the wedding. Without it, us men will have to be satisfied wearing jeans and T's. Actually, it probably will not even matter, because I am paying for the marriage licence. Without that, there will be no ceremony for us to look shoddy in.

And it does not end there.

I still have all the regular bills to pay, and some people are getting quite nasty about it.

It is resulting in my sinking into a depression during what is supposed to be a joyous occasion in my life, one of the most joyous truth be known.

I know I have to talk to the Goddess about it, and soon. I have been putting it off for several reasons. One is the amount of stress she herself is under. Given the month from hell we have had, the last thing I want to do is exacerbate her stress and awaken the currently hibernating bride-beast.

More than this, though, is the shame around this issue. I have talked about this before, and do not have the energy to get into it again. I am running out of time, and losing my faith that the funds will come.

Are you there spirit guides??? Are you reading this???

Faith isn't marrying The Goddess; I am!

....Blessed Be...