Those Old Brick Walls...August 9, 1999

Those Old Brick Walls...August 9, 1999

I finally mustered up the nerve to call my mother today; I know, I left it quite a long time. I just did not have any words to say to her; after repeating myself seemingly adinfinitum, I just cannot articulate things in any other fashion.

At first, I thought I would end up hashing things out with her at the airport this morning. Quincy and the kids flew off to Toronto today for two weeks. I am going to miss them; things will seem so quiet here without their presence. I will also miss the privilege of dropping the dogs off when I have to meet with a client. Poor Moo is not going to like being in the kennel any more than I am going to like putting her in there, or any more than I am looking forward to the next two weeks having to put her in it often.

As it turned out, I did not meet up with my mother this morning. She overslept, and by the time she got there, I had left. I had the dogs in the car and did not want to wait another hour for Quincy's plane to take off. I was also feeling a bit too anxious.

After returning home from the airport, I had a nap, then mustered up the nerve to call. She was just on her way to lay down, and suggested I call back later. She sounded groggy, but nevertheless had her typical cold tone when she is not pleased with me. Only mother can reduce me to a naughty child in seconds.

Having put up the nerve once for naught, I waiting until well into the evening before calling again. The phone rang several times, and I was about to hang up when she answered.

I worked myself up over nothing.

She talked about recect medical tests she had, upcoming appointments, and how she almost missed Quincy's flight this morning. I attempted to swing the conversation toward her giving me and The Goddess the silent treatment over the last few weeks, but was unsuccessful for the most part. I told her it seemed she was not very happy about my getting married since I have not heard from her in so long, and since she has not called to see how we were making out with the plans. I received the typical response that I have not been calling her. I then addresses her giving the silent treatment to The Godess. She stated she has not been feeling well, but that she will call her. I remarked that I felt it was because she was upset with The Goddess and Quincy having words. Mother stated they were adults and could handle issues on their own.

I felt like she was paying me lip service, saying what she thought I wanted to hear, instead of telling me the truth of matters.

Nevertheless, if she has no problem, then I do not either. If she calls The Goddess like she stated she would, then I will merely assume it is status quo. I have not the energy to keep going through this perpetual cycle with her. She just cannot hear.

I do love you, though, Mom.

....Blessed Be