A Message for Marrin....August 2, 1999

A Message for Marrin....August 2, 1999

Over the weekend, I received email from my dear friend, Marrin. She wanted to comment on her feeling moved with my relating the emotions surrounding my forthcoming marriage in a recent entry. In receiving the mail, I was moved, too. Sometimes we just never know what will strike a chord for someone else.

Marrin is in the wake of a failed marriage as well. With respect to the enduring suffering that she is feeling, I can relate whole heartedly. One ends up feeling betrayed, angry, grief stricken and in deep sorrow, usually all at the same time. It is also almost impossible for one to consider trusting another so wholly ever again. Such was the crux of Marrin's mail; she was encouraging me, and felt encouraged herself, with my getting married again. I am doing what most divorcees swear they will never do again.

It has not been an easy road, Marrin sweetie, the journey of loving and trusting again. I am not sure what I can say, if anything, that would make things any less painful and jaded for you. For what it is worth, I will relate the process for me.

Heal, taking as much time as it takes.

Love yourself. This is first and foremost. I realized that part of what made my marriage fail was my own negative self image. If one cannot love himself, how can he love anyone else?

Know, and I mean really know, that you do not need a partner in your life to be happy. We are responsible for our own happiness. Realizing this is very self-actualizing.

Learn what you want in a potential partner, and settle for nothing less.

Know that your ex is not any other potential partner. When someone enters your life, he deserves a fresh start with respect to trust, and does not deserve to wear your ex's mask.

Nothing, and no one, is perfect. Choose battles with yourself, and with your partner, wisely.

Know that you are loved already.

I am sure more will come to me, but these are some major lessons I have learned in the wake of my failed relationship. I just hope I do not forget any. I am only human.

....Blessed Be