"Peckings...." March 28, 2000

"Peckings...." March 28, 2000

Half Past Midnight...

...and dear Freda just departed after visiting in response to a plea of desperation from me; like certain blood types, certain estrogen types just do not mix well together.

Like The Goddess and Brianna, for instance.

The level of acrimony here has left me agape in wonderment over how they successfully lived together for all those years. Perhaps there was a period of estro-rejection before the hormones began levelling out, a process that would surely repeat itself if Brianna were to stay here long enough.

Thank you for the diversion, Freda.

Narf.

I'm thuper now...thanks for asking.

I have been feeling restless lately. It is not the kind of restlessness for which trying a new hobby or taking a couple of days off can subdue. No, it is more a restlessness with the state of my life, the direction it is going; I am feeling a profound sense of dissatisfaction with the status quo, and disappointment in not having attempted some of my grander aspirations.

I do not want to be here ten years from now. I have reached the pinnacle of possibilities in my current career, and the process has left me burnt out, jaded, and yet afraid of trying something new or different.

We stick with what we know most of the time.

However, I have never been afraid of risks. I would have not begun my own company otherwise. Part of why I am still here is for a sense of stability I have felt for only a short while compared to years of just the opposite. Nevertheless, I am starting to fear more the person I will become lest I make some radical changes.

So, I made a decision recently. The Goddess helped. I am going back to university and finally getting that Master's under my belt. While still in the same general field I am in now, it would offer me more options, more challenges, and more responsibilities than are available to me now. Even though I can only manage to go part time, at least I will feel as though I am moving forward.

Which is better than how I feel right now, like my head is stuck in the sand and a flock of carrion are pecking at my ass.

It would be enough, for now at least, to keep those scavengers at bay. However, there are other unfulilled dreams waiting in the wings, and if I do not offer up a handful of those dreams, if I do not throw them out into the air as an offering, I may feel a peck, peck, pecking at my ass again before too long.....

....Blessed Be...