"Spent"....March 10, 2000

"Spent"....March 10, 2000

Well Past Midnight...

.....the crimson red candle I have lit in front of me, my sole source of light with which to type, seems to be mocking my physical and emotional state at this late eve. Flickering its last flicker, burning its last breath, almost fully engulfed in the pool of wax which is semi-hard at its edges, a stream of warm wax dripping down one side of the base, it is about to extinguish itself any time now after intermittent hours of brilliant life.

I had a wonderfully arduous time painting this evening with The Goddess and Lowlandz. Wonderful in light of their company, despiriting with respect to my painting. How I wish I could have the artistic talents they possess, even if for just a short while.

I see so many beautiful canvasses in my head.

Tonight, the process seemed forced to me. My mind would not allow my hand to allow the brush to allow the paint to do what I needed it to do. Since this is only my second attempt at painting, perhaps I am expecting too much of myself. The Goddess feels I need to just let go and stop trying to transcribe. I wish it were that easy.

How I find the process draining. The emotional catharsis from painting I experience is similar to that when I write. I feel wholly exhausted afterwards. Nevertheless, while tonight's foray into the abstract left my creative juices relatively spent, others were beginning to burgeon.

After Lowlandz departed, The Goddess and I decided to create a fresco out of our spiritual energies. The bed was our easel, the astral plane our canvass.

And I am now spent in every possible way....

....Blessed Be...