For the week of November 6th, 1998

It's beginning to look a lot like chri$tma$

With that said, let me ask you this: When exactly is Christmas? I always thought there were 12 days, with about a month of prep, a few days of turkey and alcohol and gifts, hangover days, and then New Year's, where you can do it all in one day.

Now, however, I can start shopping and decorating before Hallowe'en. I was tempted to hang up some festive stuff on my door to confuse the fuck out of some little kids. They come yelling "Trick or Treat," and I start singing "Deck the Halls" with some mistletoe and eggnog.

What has happened to the holidays? Hallowe'en shopping comes in September, Christmas in October, St. Valentine's Day in January, Easter in February and St. Paddy's Day basically is leftovers from New Year's. Santa may work all year in preparation for one day, but he's one man with eight tiny reindeer, an army of toy-making elves, and one wife that feeds them all year long. He doesn't start posting warnings come November.

But I guess it's nice. You get all giddy, start to anticipate the food, gifts and drinks, and start emptying bank accounts to give to the twelve members of your immediate family. Seeing fifteen different Santa Clauses in fifteen different places in the course of minutes can really mess up a child. The Christmas tree being attacked by the cat, the envelopes that you know contain money that will not even dent that OSAP debt, but would be a good start.

It's the most wonderful time of the year, alright. So break out the booze and start now.

Anyhow, it has come to my attention that I have readers. My first impression is that I'm happy to hear about it, however a little disappointed that only five people have actually emailed me. C'est la vie. My readers can read, but not work a computer. That's life.

Just kidding. Thanks for the support.

Copyright © 2000 Besz Dispenser Publications, Inc.