The Besz Dispenser - This Week's Rant

For the week of September 28th, 1999

What's my age again?

I'm finding it very hard to find time in the day anymore to just sit around, read a book, relax, smoke a cigar, and just converse with friends nowadays. I just don't have the time that I used to. I still remember the good old days, when all I really had to worry about was getting homework done and what to do that evening. Now, I have to worry about paying for the repairs on the car, rent, cable, cleaning, cooking, work, column, reading, shopping, and maybe hanging out with friends. On top of this, I plan on actually starting a radio program so I truly won't have any time whatsoever to even sleep.

Granted, I love the feeling of pressure, being under the gun to get a project finished on time. However, I've noticed that the older I get, the less I can stay up late, the more responsibility piles up, the more work to be done, the less time you get with friends, and the more I feel like in order to do the house the way I want to, I need to hire a professional interior decorator. I got this from my mother, this redecorating streak. I walk into a room and go, "Nice, but plain. We need throw pillows! And those blinds - my God! - we need them thrown out, get new ones in gray, it goes with the fireplace..."

I'm very frightened with this trend. I need my own house to do some of the projects that float around in my head. But the real problem is that I don't really have any of the money required to do any of this. Yes, I know, doing it yourself saves money, but not time (which is a rare commodity with me anyway) and even if it's cheaper, I still don't have that kind of money. Do you know how much a new counter top oven costs?

But I digress. Basically, my point is this: I'm growing older. And fast. Friends talking about the next step that should happen in their lives, like, "I'm 27, I should be married now", or "What should I be doing with my life right now? I should already be in a career job now" float around regularly with some of them. Another has gotten engaged. And I do it to. Right now, I should be in university, studying for something, then going into a job that uses my degree to the fullest. What am I doing? I'm taking time off, and working a job that I probably won't be at by January.

Personally, I think that relating age to what is supposed to happen in your life at that time is a load of bullshit. Why should I be doing anything except living? But you can't escape it. Responsibility and the "I should be doing this because I'm an adult now" will hound you until you're dead. And you have a responsibility to fight that too.

Of course, this may all change. Once upon a time, our responsibility was to fight for Britain, was to follow the footsteps of your father's trade, to shoot trespassers, and to go to church every Sunday (or your Synagogue, or Mosque, or wherever you worship. Sure, many still do all of these, but it's now not as programmed. Not as many people are willing to follow the status quo anymore, and that's a good thing. At least in my mind it is. As far as I'm concerned, I've never been good at following religion, or politicians. However, I do try to be somewhat responsible for my actions, at my work, and in life in general. But, I also make it my responsibility to have as much fun as possible. I suggest the same.

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