The Besz Dispenser - This Week's Rant

For the week of June 21st, 1999

Sleep is Overrated

As I sit here yawning in an almost nervous twich fashion, wondering if I'm going to pull out the muscles of my chin and if I'll be able to stay up tonight, I curse up a storm about my sleeping patterns. Sure, I get eight hours of sleep ... eventually. I just can't be bothered to get them all in one day. Most of the time, however, I never catch up on all the hours that I've missed. Why? Because I'm an idiot. A great quote I've heard from Henry Rollins was that you could never "catch up" on anything, since you've lost the time you originally wanted to do the job in, so all you can do is either do it or not. I fully believe that, so I guess I should say that I never complete my eight hour sleeping pattern and probably never will replenish the sleep lost.

So ever since I could remember not sleeping, there was my computer, my companion through every night. I played games until my fingers were calloused. Then I discovered BBS's. Anyone remember those? I spent hours at a time on BBSes around Burlington talking, playing, downloading. Then I found the internet, and I've never looked back. I've found that the World Wide Web is a wonderful playland, where thousands of bits of information are at my fingertips and nothing stops me save my imagination. Now, however, I will never sleep normally again.

'Course, I can't blame this all on the internet and my computer. My mom is the exact same way with being up all hours of the night, watching TV or reading, which probably makes that something else in my genetic makeup that screws me over (thanks mom!) Just kidding. I love my mom, I'm exactly like her. Well, not exactly, but close. I've found myself even looking around my room, wondering how I can redecorate, rearrange the furniture, and repaint the walls. It scares me and with any luck I can fight off that urge for a few more years.

But I digress. My point is that I know many of you are reading this at two, three, even five in the morning after three cups of coffee and 29 hours up and counting. I know I am writing this on about three hours sleep, and I have to get to work sometime today. We are screwing with our bodies and it isn't good. We are destroying braincells, increasing our stress and blood pressure levels, and making it harder to do anything in the daytime generally. I know I'm doing it. I can feel my body lurching forward on pure momentum because there's no energy left inside to do the job. And sure, I know everyone has a wild night of partying and can't get up the next day, but somehow I feel that at least he'll sleep well the next day, whereas I will still be up, working, writing, thinking, and listening to Denis Leary and Bad Religion over and over again. Sure, that guy will probably suffer greatly that morning after, but that'll be over with two asprin.

Yet saying and doing are two separate things, and even though I feel like crap, and know I should get more sleep (and probably could use more fiber in my diet), I more than likely will not change at all. I'll still be up tomorrow night and the next, into the wee hours of the morning, cranking Tool in the headphones, while I try to find a topic for my next column. Why? Because I'm an idiot, that's why. And because I'm too tired to care.

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