The Besz Dispenser - This Week's Rant

For the week of March 3rd, 2000

Restaurant goodness

I don't know about you, but I'm hungry for some downright tasty food right now, and nothing but nothing will satisfy that certain craving in my belly than going down to the Hard Rock Café down in Toronto. I can't tell you what makes it so darn tasty, maybe the hand-picked ingredients, the asbestos falling from the ceiling, or possibly the insects that happen to fall into the pot. Either way, you can taste the love in every bite.

No, that's not true. I'm sure that the Hard Rock is a very clean place to eat, and that you are perfectly safe to walk through its doors, look at the gaudy merchandise, and sit down to eat relatively expensive food. At least I hope so, because I've eaten there I don't want to know what it looks like in the back of the place, or know about the personal hygiene habits of the head cook. I assume that everything is ship-shape back there, and leave it at that so I can eat my food without the constant nagging fear that what I smell in my salad is indeed urine. Now that's a disgusting thought.

However, it's quite possible that it is one of the 53 out of 74 restaurants that failed a health inspection this week in Toronto. Pest infestations, crumbling walls and floors, unsanitary bathrooms and counter tops, and various other problems. One restaurant actually was closed on the spot because of the amount of problems inside those walls (yet apparently it was open the very next day, with the report in the window). Yummy. I can almost taste that salmonella goodness.

This is a major tourist town, with a population of now over 7 million I believe, and its restaurants are windows into Chernobyl. No wonder people there seem distant. They're all sick or dying. But there is no reason why this has to be this way. Toronto is a clean city in comparison to many US cities, and I never really had a fear of walking to the local tavern and seeing mice playing air hockey. Now I do. Now I have to wonder what illness I can catch walking through the front door. Before it was, "It looks like a dive, so let's not go in." And you know what? That was a pretty good system.

Which is really my problem with this inspection business. Now, everyone is afraid of which restaurants passed with flying colours and which should be quarantined for scientific research. And the only reason we fear it is because they told us so. Could this be a good way for people in the city to ignore the gas prices or taxes or snow? Maybe this is the municipal government's diversion from something. And the worse thing about the whole thing is they release that stat, yet not tell which restaurants failed. That's good. Now, you get a extra thrill at wondering whether door number three had the prize behind it, or if this one did. What they should of done is either: a) not tell us of the inspections, but make the restaurant have a grade at the front window. That way, we know if it is a bad place to eat the fish; b) release the findings with a complete list of the places that failed; or c) Not tell us about anything until they failed twice. Then, shut the place down. No fear, no paranoia, no worrying about my waiter spitting in my burger. Wouldn't that be nice?

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