The Besz Dispenser - This Week's Rant

For the week of July 5th, 1999

I'm all fucked up

Writer's block sucks. I hate it. Why can't writing be more technical than artistic? I'd be able to do three or four of these columns in a week, guaranteed. I could worry more about the graphical quality of the site, or the links, or maybe sleep (I still seem to have problems in that). But I guess this is the life of a writer, working as much as you can between the blocks of creativity. I actually read one book which said that you should get up exactly at 5:00 am to start writing, because that time you are at your most alert. I don't know about you, but I'm usually going to bed at 4:00 am. Waking up an hour later will not be my most alert moment. I'd be surprised if I was anything more than a vegetable, drooling and staring at the screen with a blank look and equally blank mind. So fuck that, I'll just write in my own way. As soon as I learn what my way is.

The only problem with that outlook is, well, until I do learn my way of getting the creative juices flowing, I won't be writing. Oh, sure, I can fill my time with work, booze, cheap drugs and meaningless one-night stands with women that looked a lot better after the fifteen beers than in the morning, but who wants to be Ernest Hemingway? Granted he's a famous and incredibly talented writer but he also was a lush who committed suicide. Personally, I already went through that phase, it was called high school.

But I digress. Drugs are something that have never interested me. I could never understand the allure of smoking something that would make you so mellow that Barry Manillow sounds too fast and makes you so hungry kitty litter becomes a possible substitute. And Coccaine just boggles my mind. I mean, here's a drug you snort up your nose. Why, exactly, would anyone want to snort ANYTHING up their noses? Hell, I hate it when water goes up my nose. I couldn't imagine a harmful chemical which makes you impotent and hyper. Is it me? Am I missing some glorious result here that makes the nosebleeds and insomnia worth it?

Maybe. But I'm not going to try. I don't need to be more fucked up than I already am. Besides, I don't have the money for drugs. In fact, I don't have money for food. All that shit costs a fortune to me, and I'd rather pay for CDs and milk than for a gram of hash. It's funny, I didn't do drugs for the same reason as a kid, except I wanted the money for arcades. I'm not sure if one choice was better than the other.

But be that as it may, I couldn't do drugs now if I wanted to, and I don't. Like I said, I'm out of high school. The big world is out there, and I'll need all my mind to keep up. Hell, I couldn't hack it through university with all my wits, I'm pretty sure doing LSD wouldn't of helped me in Latin. So I'll pass on the mind-altering stuff. I'll just stick to my caffeine, thank you.

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