For the week of March 13th, 1998

Apathy R' Us

Well, this column was created so I could harp on anything and anyone that pissed me off at any given time. Anything that pissed me off, I would criticize. Unfortunately, I have let you down. I'm not sad, or even angry this week. In fact, you could say I'm. . .happy.

Yes, I'm frightened too. This is a first. Oh course, I'm not ecstatic about life all of a sudden, but I am not bitter, angry, or anything about any specific thing. I simply don't care. Apathy is a wonderful thing.

Well, not really. Apathy sucks because it means that you care about nothing and you're not doing anything to help anyone or anything. That can't be good at all. But this happens to everyone, and it is hard to force someone to care about something. Look at the Bloc Quebecois. They've been trying for years.

The question remains, how do you force someone to care? I don't really know. I could say that you have to look at America for the answer, but who really wants to turn into them? To have a president who skipped Vietnam, but wants to start WWIII with Saddam mocking him. Well, at least their leader is getting some action, and not looking like a pirate. I think we voted for him because of his appearance.

What else could cause some stirring of the spirit? Sports maybe? Well, let's pass on that. We bit the dust in hockey (well, we did, didn't we?) and if you've been looking at the Raptors lately, there's nothing to brag about quite yet. So let's pass on that idea. And we can't start a war, because we have no manpower or weaponry for the task. Although we can kick anyone's ass one on one. But how bad is it when the East Edmonton Mall has more operable submarines then our own Navy? Pretty bad, I'd say.

Hell, we don't even care about the Gulf War - Part 2, or lack of it. Did anyone follow that? Or were the Olympic Hockey games more rousing? I was pretty sad about that. America on one side, Saddam (or anti-Christ, whichever label applies) on the other, and the rest of the world on the sidelines, shouting that this can't go on. Except Canada, because quite frankly, we better do something. We're right beside the U.S. If Saddam sent something this way, we'd get front row seats. And to be next to a nuke is not fun.

So what can we do to bring up some gusto, some life to the people, make them care for something again? Again, I have no answers, but maybe, just maybe, we can get Clinton, Saddam, Monica, Hillary, Socks the Cat, whatever that dog's name is, Chretien, Bouchard, Manning, Harris, some health care officials, all the Maple Leafs, and the entire World Wrestling Federation all on Jerry Springer. All in one damn episode. Let them all fire it off. Give them weapons. That would not only solve everyone's problems, but it would be a really apathy-breaker for everyone at home.

Well, no it wouldn't. But it would be fun, wouldn't it?

Copyright © 1999 Besz Dispenser Publications, Inc.