Thinking back over my earlier years, there is so much I'd like to share -- passing along things I've learned as an artist, wisdom I wish an older, accomplished artist would have shared with me when I became confused. Fortunately, I did turn to books by other writers; and in those, I gleaned enough to stay afloat.
Although I'm far from being as wise as I will be someday, I am farther along in growth on the artistic path than some; and many times in my youth I was lost, had no direction, didn't know why I felt the sensations I did, or why I couldn't come to terms with my own artistic nature. I'm not presuming everyone goes through this confusion, but on the chance you, the reader, might...I'd like to share some of the self-knowledge I've learned.
What would I share first and foremost? What would I try to explain to you from an older perspective? Have I indeed learned anything worth imparting? Or do artists deceive themselves in thinking there's ever a point where we stop growing? I'm sure that as I get older, I'll hopefully get wiser too; but I know some truths now that I wish I'd known twenty years ago.
And the most primary, basic truth is this: Though I may have many loves, many wonderful life experiences, my first, greatest love will always be my art. Nothing and no one can ever compare with this grand love affair that I have with my own talent, with my own inner creativity, my fantastic flights into imaginary fantasy realms.
Trying to force reality to live up to my illusory visions will always prove disasterous, almost destructive. This is the first, hardest lesson an artist in any medium has to accept; and if it isn't accepted, at some point the artist will self-destruct. Because you cannot find a reality that will ever come close to artistic imagery...and worse, you cannot even recreate this imaginary vision as perfectly as you wish. Though you may struggle for years to perfect a creative vision, at some point you realize it's impossible for the end result (art) to match your vision completely. Therefore, as artists, we can only try our best; and then, let it go... give the art to those who will appreciate it for the blood, sweat and tears we've put into the artistic effort.
The second lesson may be that people in general will be less receptive, less appreciative, less understanding than we would want. In fact, a majority may be entirely indifferent to our art; or worse, be of the opinion it's bad, a waste of time. And it is at those dark times when we, as artists, must withdraw into ourselves, go deep within and hear the muse that speaks to us alone, and reaffirm our NEED for art, to keep struggling and creating as long as we are alive and up until we draw our last breath on earth. It's a lifetime committment; and it's the be-all and end-all of our entire being. Without our art, we will not survive.
This is not to say we won't have wonderful lives otherwise; or that reality will be less than terrific for us. If we're lucky, we'll find true love; have a family (if that's our desire); and have a full, rewarding career too. But in our hearts, there's a special place reserved for our art; it will speak to us when all else forsakes us, when the world may seem dark and worthless.
It's a gift, this talent for art (whatever the medium) and it should be honored, respected. It can be a curse or a blessing; but we cannot escape it, and trying to ignore it will make us feel guilty, miserable. Nothing, absolutely nothing will ever compare to the joy we receive from allowing our talent to flourish -- so that is the reward. The curse is that sometimes others will not understand; some may accuse us of being selfish, or of "using" them for inspiration -- and all manner of confusion about what we do, why we do it, etc.
Yet within ourselves, we KNOW...and that is what matters; it is the inner voice we must obey, whether recognized by others or not. It is our joy and meaning in life, our reason for living. Without it, we are forever diminished.
