Does this article title conjure visions of wonderful rendezvous with perfectly compatible partners found by specific criteria? Do you long for a man or woman who meets all those unfulfilled desires and romantic notions we have from America's love affair with romance, or perhaps reading too many romance novels? Could it be possible to find a better match online than in reality?
Maybe. But then again, maybe not.
In an earlier time we called it 'Mail Order Bride Catalogs' and one could look through a listing of available partners, choose a name and begin corresponding. It always had connotations though of the truly desperate, didn't it? While today the process has fast-forwarded to electrical circuits and the digital age of information, there may still linger a bit of a taint to those who seek and find partners online. At least some of your non-surfing friends might look at you askance, should you declare you've found "Mr. Perfect" online.
As a woman I speak from experience in saying, "There is no Mr. Perfect." Granted, there are some of the opposite sex who fulfill our needs better than others -- but the question you should ask yourself if seeking a mate online is, "How will I know this is an honest person?"
Perhaps you could start by taking a look at this website WILDXANGEL. Wild is a woman who started a website because she had a very bad experience from meeting a man online, and there are many others who contribute to this open forum monthly, via emails and anonymity. The fact of anonymity enhances the honesty factor; few people want to list their name when they are admitting such bad episodes.
Or just to be on the safe side, perhaps you'd be willing to pay a little less than $100 to CheckMate Agency for doing a fairly thorough background check on your loverboy. That is, have this done before you meet him in person. Better safe than sorry, eh? Or finally, you could read this article on internet dating Net.love -- which has some interesting information.
On the other hand, all is not desperation and deceit. There are many inspirational and uplifting websites for dating on the net. One is LovingYou.com where you can locate those who have had positive experiences. Many helpful dating tips, as well as links to online forums for discussion of these issues abound also. Or cruise over to Love@firstbyte and read about one single woman's ongoing cybermating experiences with dating. And then there's Pacific Moon, yet more true experiences with online romance.
Some of the singles websites like Matchmakers and One & Only Network seek to match singles by common interests and other personal details the person submits. Also, Cupid Net claims to be the world's largest network for singles. Or this website: My Best Date
One of my single male friends said he'd had mostly positive experiences by dating women he'd met at Matchmakers. However, he added with a chuckle, "Except for the ladies who were about seventy pounds heavier than they admitted before we met. I guess they thought I wouldn't notice." So it's not just the women who sometimes find their online love interest has a few extra pounds and more ex-wives than they admitted, but the men also can be surprised. For a serious, but somewhat amusing guide for men, check out A Gentlemen's Internet Companion. This has the do's/don'ts for good guys on the net!
Until you meet in person, there is one essential element that cannot be known: chemistry. Is there any physical chemistry, a sexual attraction? If not, then you may just end up being good, close friends.
In this day and age, when deception can be unpleasant at the least, and downright life-threatening at the worst, perhaps using cautious optimisim is the best way to go about dating online partners. Give thought to all that you and your new friend share in common; take your time to get to know a good bit about one another through email and/or chat; exchange photos; perhaps talk on the phone. Then meet when the timing is right for you both -- in a public place, and with no overly wild expectations. Speculation yes, but keep the expectations in line as you would any real life blind date.
All in all, it can prove an interesting experience, if not yielding the love of your life. And who knows? Someday when you least expect it (maybe in the grocery store or at a sports event) you'll meet the great love of your life. Then if you didn't meet 'Mr. Right' on the Net, you'll still have had a worthwhile learning experience to share with others!
Much has been made in the media and press of clandestine, adulterous relationships that start (and sometimes remain) online . No doubt, there are many discontented married people roaming cyberspace, cruising for the opposite sex who can and will banish marital boredom. Reading countless articles, like Love At First Byte which proclaims, "Americans are adding electricity to static lives by flirting with online relationships" or Cyberspace provides only virtual romance with a paragraph that advises, "The word, "virtual," is used frequently in Internet language, and it can literally describe relationship formed in cyberspace. "Virtual" means lacking actuality and existing only in essence. Virtual love would have to mean something that resembles love but does not have all the attributes of real love," one is given to believe this is a fantasyland of unreality. However, there have been many occasions when it is taken over into RL (real life) and then, of course, it is an adulterous affair. Ann Landers even got in on this electronic revolution by posting some letters and advice in her newspaper columns about cyber-romance at the Chicago Tribune.
Perhaps so long as two individuals share via online only, it may be termed virtual and somewhat unreal. But how can one explain the endless, ceaseless thoughts that obsess those involved in these virtual relationships? How much time does this take away from interaction with one's mate? If these so-called bored, unsatisfied married people put that amount of time and effort into their marriage, might it not become lively and fulfilling? Overall, it seems more escapism than anything -- a way to avoid dealing with unpleasant, and possibly unresolved issues in a marriage.
Marriage, to use a cliche', is not a bed of roses. It takes two individuals working wholeheartedly to fulfill each other's expectations and to share their lives in total committment and devotion. If one is absent, suspended in cyberspace with fanciful escapist fantasizing, couldn't this be more of a problem than a solution? Pleasant escapism can be found in many other, more productive ways -- reading, sports activites, hobbies, exercising, and creative endeavors.
Then there are the horror stories, those about a wife/husband running off and ruining marriages, breaking up families, traumatizing young children for a cyber-love. The list goes on and on. Wouldn't it be best to work on our real life problems, and not try to find out if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? When in all likelihood, after a certain period of time with our new love, one morning we'll be sitting across the breakfast table, and realize this individual looks as sour-faced and disagreeable as our ex? Where young children are concerned, it is nearly criminally negligent to indulge in cyber-fantasy involvement; one chance is all you get with a child's youthful development.
In conclusion, perhaps it is best for all concerned that should you find yourself on the verge of romantic involvement with a married individual online, do as Nancy Reagan suggested, "Just say no."
And finally, for more personal experiences of those who have become involved in online relationships, good and bad, visit Met On The Net.
Online or offline, romance and marriage are never simple and easy, it seems!