closing in
in search of my ultimate self I've torched my mind in
numerous ways-
I've gathered strength
and viewed the sun rise from the
death of night
I've sloped the hills on glossy snow
and made it down with nothing broken
I've drugged my body with intoxicants
and swaggered paranoid through
crowded streets
music has brought me to ecstasy
from stages and speakers and a
million voices
I've talked to friends and strangers
and heard stories I know as my own
I've cooked and dined and drunk
and raved and craved an empty
stomach
I've kissed and touched and sucked and fucked and loved
and been let down
through travel I've seen different cultures
and felt my home could well be
anywhere
I've read authors' words
and comprehended their message
I've absorbed in paint and meditated paintings
and visualized my mind
I've been so desolate I've only had myself
and been content in self-embrace
God could not supply the peace I sought
in prayer and purity and mass
ultimate, intimate, uncreated void myself
how often I've been close to you
and failed to see myself-
Oslo, 25.10.'99