Mon, 20 Jul 1998 13:52:50 CDT
When I was an adolescent, it seemed there was a code between people
at parties, a code that I didn't know .
I thought that they seemed to be able to easily converse because they
used that code to unlock a connection between them.
My mouth didn't seem to connect to my brain, to say nothing of
connecting to other people with it.
It was very difficult to generate any kind of interesting verbiage
from my mind while in the presence of people I didn't know very well.
I was always so careful not to say anything that might be seen as
stupid, I rarely said anything at all.
As I was thrust into adulthood, my vision of the world expanded, and I
percieved that most people were no more adept at conversation than I
was, except for what apptitude resulted from familiarity and
self-confidence.
I continually strove to reassure myself that people would not make a
practice of rejecting me when I mustered the will to speak.
Still, all too often I would draw a blank when faced with speaking to
someone in a social setting.
Even when someone would hand me the perfect lead-in comment, I seemed
to land in the space between what I knew and what they might be
interested in hearing, and a kind of viscous goo would settle around
my confidence. A hum would slowly develop in my ears, all too soon
roaring around me, and I would take the first opportunity to escape
the situation.
I would end by merely taking a look around me, and finding a place to
stand out of the way, as the party would swirl aound me.
Chamber
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