Mom

Mom is such a gentle sort. It makes it especially jarring when she says anything bitter, or even expresses a desire for something to be different. Generally everything she says to me is cast in a positive light. I sometimes wonder if she is the same with her friends.

That is what made the first couple of years after my father left especially difficult. It was a whole other side of her I saw then. It was the hardest part. Having him leave in itself wasn't so hard, although the divorce came as a complete surprise to me- he had't been around that much before for a couple of years, but I never heard anything bad pass between my parents.

Leaving the big house for the two bedroom condo was a little hard, but the condo was a lovely place in the woods, very private, cool and natural. And I was at an age where I could cross the housing developments between our new place and my old neighborhood (and my friends), no problem.

But her feelings came out. Bitterness to my father. I wasn't used to that! We weren't a demonstrative family. Then I got a bit demonstrative myself our first Christmas there in the condo. I forget my exact words, but the essence was, expressed at Christmas Eve dinner with my sister and mom tight there, was that I didn't believe anymore- in Christianity. That caste a pall over the whole evening. She got angry and then sad at that. I salvaged it with some agnostic waffling, later. So Christmas morning seemed pretty OK.

But really, things were forever changed. My mother later came out of her bitterness when she was born-again- a new focus for her life. Me, I was awakened to all the silent words that I didn't hear in my childhood. My childhood was over.

Chamber

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