place my head on the table
place my head on your hand
see how constant and wishing
see how desperately grand

i make time for the fable
i make time for demand
in the wake of deceit
there is no greater plan

here i am, i always was
here i am, i always will
make me something
take my nothing
away

with my head on the table
with my head on your hand
i leave fate for the broken
no secrets unplanned

in a past long forgotten
in yesterdays land
timely words have no meaning
how will i understand?

here i am, i always was
here i am, i always will
make me something
take my nothing
away

wind is blowing through my hand
wind is blowing through my head
take my something
make me nothing

Key Collector

the stillness in the air breathes sharp
you do not have a friend.

just below the surface hatred writhes
creeping back and forth between their eyes
quiet mouths and teeth that whisper lies

do you smile like them?
do you smile like them?
do you smile like them?
i never could

so you try to wait it out
while they try to hold it in
you've no windows to outside
when the dissonance begins
in a house, a church, a prison
in a fight that no one wins

do you smile like them?
do you smile like them?
do you smile like them?
i never would

father

what do i care for the masks of celebrities?
when i die, will i be remembered
by thousands of nameless faces
to which i can assign no love for me?
or will i be cherished in the hearts
in the stories told to the children
of those who loved me most?

Whitewash

Rumors of my past elude me
i cannot be more real than here
if shapes and shadows haunt my eyes,
and i run screaming,
do not fear;
it isn't you i'm running from
but in my head you hurt me so
the shapes and shadows dim tomorrow
whitewashed lies are all i know

chronos: vinegar and honey moon

stifled by a circumstance the wound up ticking
regret dances once again in fear of repercussion
pushes awakening pained reverberating
asking coincidence are you real
stretches distant pulling taut too taut
join hands taking bows taking vows
teeth flash story crash never happened so its said
attached myself to brief pathetic cause and drank it
goes unsated down going nowhere why ask now
why not know?

floods relief first sale over
i sold your beliefs to you
making haste they come to borrow
laying wasted come tomorrow
withered empty had its turn
all is immaterial inside the churning ransacked burning
nothing left to hide
wet is face to dry replace it
facing bought cracked mirrors
loopholes found their truth rebounding back again too quick
never wanted passion ditched among the trials lost to guilt
turn away to look up at the jaded pieces crumbled
shadow facing open wounded rhetoric sublime
in its daunted wake agreeing nothingness is better
not a tear to backwash fear of surface frozen through
cutting thumb the index done no basic meaning found
true of words caught in retractions eager to repress
a kind unkind the same red threatening a time unspoken
keep it up but keep it down the glare reflecting turn your head
a change of feverish rejection haltingly unfolding
taking flat no sharpness needed seeing bloated horrified
pressure apex knowing where to find the hidden swollen burst
take practice cutoff caution
laugh i saw it first

Pastries and Sage

i am all the coffee in the world!
but no one's here to save me...
so picture in your tiny head
a cup of tea instead.

but when is it acceptable?
and when is it all right?
i've told off all the sleepy things!
i've stayed up half the night...

i haven't got a paltry clue,
i couldn't find a prayer,
and i know that in my fingertips
the prickle-touch is there...

it's winding cords around my skin,
the moonlit sky is wearing thin,
the dreamless tirade wanders in
and doesn't even care.

I once sat waiting on a bench
With a person who I no longer knew
We lived a lie, pretending both
To love and hope together

I met a man while I was there
A veteran of a foreign war
He lost his hope, his love, he said,
And told me of his life

I looked away when he was done
Not wanting him to see me cry
But even as I tried to hide
He saw my tears and said

"I saw you cry those tears for me."

I felt ashamed, I had no right
To cry for someone's pain so deep
As if that tear could wash away
As if that tear could heal a wound

I stood to leave, I heard his words
They echoed in my head
And as I paused and looked at him
I saw a glisten in his eyes

"Honey," he said quietly, "no one's ever cried for me before."

face the corner

succumb to view and make it through untested paths in hindsight
clutching fierce expanding
thousands die are not reborn
disbelieve the image unprojected
whisper endless all assumed
steal simultaneous revolt and execution
forced into existence unprepared
ungrateful nothing lost
untimely wish to hold or touch the distance is contained
venting purpose not resigned
not thorough waiting light denied
realization no control of self abhorred distinctions
unbearing cross the last stone tossed
upheld for all the judgments
futuristic beaming what is done undone for now
tries to stand the last command create undignified
crazed taking trials
holding icy question doubt is born
unproven what it seems to be
they smoke the ashes careless scorn
all of yesterday will watch the cardboard backdrop fade
i await the accusations but remain whole unbetrayed

oh i remember when i was younger
and the freshness of pain was so bright
i knew nothing of waves and the endless days
and nothing could make it all right

i dreamt of an ocean, but you weren't there
i dreamt of a road, of going nowhere

but you were in my dreams
you were always in my dreams

i dreamt of a time, of a people unknown
i dreamt of destruction, of being alone

but you were in my dreams
you were always in my dreams

talking leads to disillusion
and there are better ways than this
given the choice ive been given no reaction
i've taken pains from you in passing
i've felt the warmth stealing from your chest
i've heard the confusion and regret in your thoughts

my knowledge is not an analgesic
my knowledge is not poison
i will shut my eyes against the blinding light
the stabbing pain will cease
i will wait to see
and i will see again

a thousand miles away
i can hear you breathing
i can smell your skin
i feel your lungs contract sharply
an intake of breath, quick and ending almost before it began
(a reaction to some small, sudden pain)
i see the mountains through your eyes
and i can taste your sweat

i hear the silence in all the tears that never dropped

(but that's what rain is for,
that's what rain is for)

and now i'm falling
or maybe its just fall
i stretch my legs and remember,
winter doesn't start until the end of december
its crazy what you find when you're not looking anymore
somehow you've saved up all your pain

but thats what rain is for

if hope is my placebo
and futility's my crutch
if regression is my dinner
and i always eat too much

then another day is emptied
and another night falls through
then this time has no tomorrow
for tomorrow feels untrue