You might be a Republican...



• If you believe the government should stay out of the church’s business, but believe in faith based initiatives

• If you believe Saddam Hussein needs to be bombed, but Mubarak and Musharif need American aid, and China needs most favored nation trading status

• If you believe that the government is violating our rights, but support the Patriot Act

• If you believe that deficits are bad, but pass tax cuts without corresponding program reductions

• If you believe that we are fighting this war to defend American values, but want to hang all the war protesters

• If you believe in the right to keep and bear arms, but want to destroy Iraq and North Korea for the weapons they possess

• If you think mentioning Buddha or Mohammed in schools violates the separation of church and state, but want the kids to keep pledging allegiance to a nation “under God”

• If you do not believe in a “vast, right wing conspiracy,” but DO believe in a “vast left wing conspiracy”

• If you believe that television news is biased and left wing, but believe that Rush Limbaugh, Micheal Savage, and Bill O’Reilly are fair and balanced

• If you believe Donald Rumsfeld is sane

• If you believe that Clinton was immoral because of his affair with the office staff, but believe Eisenhower was a great man despite his affair with his secretary

• If you think it was unfair that Lincoln got shot, but great that Kennedy got shot

• If you STILL think it is all Clinton’s fault

• If you believe that John Ashcroft is really interested in justice

• If you believe it is worth destroying a 225 year old alliance with France just to smash a petty two-bit tyrant

• If you believe Texans riding around in armed pickup trucks are just expressing their freedoms, but Afghans riding around in armed pickup trucks are a grave threat to America’s freedom. You might also be a redneck.

• If you believe that Bush prefers war to diplomacy because it is easier to spell... you are probably right.






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