I finally quit smoking (for the third time this year). "I will quit tomorrow," I always say. Over and over and over again. It's so easy to quit tomorrow, because when tomorrow rolls around, I can easily change my mind. There are a zillion excuses: I still have half a pack left. Work is too stressful. I'm in too good a mood. I'm in too bad a mood. In fact, once I didn't quit because it was raining outside and I just thought it was too darn dreary to quit.

The other thing that stops me is that I know I'll be tested during this process. You may think that everything just seems worse when you're trying to quit. I don't care. If it seems bad to me, it is bad. So there!

This time I just quit.

Day one, I locked myself out of the house. I haven't done that in a year. (It was probably the last time I quit smoking.) So, what, not a big deal, I can handle it. I'm so proud of myself and I didn't have a cigarette all day.

Now it's day two. I think I'll fix the leak in the kitchen faucet. That's a good "hands on" project.

It took me at least 10 minutes to get the handles to move to turn off the water. It took me another fifteen minutes to figure out how to get the darn thing apart. Then I wanted a cigarette. That has always calmed me when I was doing a frustrating fix-it project. Instead, I came to my computer and played solitare. (I had to wait for the WD-40 to work anyway.) So, it's apart. Well things look okay to me. The washers look good, the ball looks good. Huh. I'll put it back together and see how it works.

Now, not only does the spigot still leak, water is coming out of the sides of the faucet. I want a cigarette.

I go online and look up faucet repair. Slowly, but surely (first I had to find out the name of the faucet), I make my way to repair of "ball faucets." Okay, now were moving. It says here that you can get a small, inexpensive kit to repair all of the workings. There are springs and washers and everything!

So, I run to the hardware store for the inexpensive kit. $10.00. $10!? Well, it certainly is small, but I don't call it inexpensive. A couple of washers of different sizes, some springs and a couple of doohikies. I try to find one without the tools as I already know I can get the thing apart. No luck. I try to piece together the kit with individual items and it comes to $10. Since I don't know quite what's causing the problem, I guess I better get the kit. Besides it comes with a niffty little "adjusting ring tightener" and I don't have one of those. (Every household should have one, don't you think?)

I run to the drugstore and buy myself a new haircolor. That always makes me feel better.

So, now I'm back home. I take the thing apart again and eventually get all the new pieces to fit and get it all back together. (I made sure to use the adjusting ring tightener. Whether it did any good I don't know, but I had to use it cuz I bought it.) It doesn't leak . . anywhere! But, there's water coming out from under the sink. Damn. I forgot to put the garbage disposal hose back on. (Don't ask why it was off to begin with.)

So, I'm cleaning up that minor mess when the doorbell rings. It's the mailman. I dry off my hands to sign for the certified letter. I wonder who it's from?

Surprise, surprise, it's from the rental company. They're raising our rent!

I want a cigarette. I really want a cigarette.

I contemplate going out to the kitchen and ripping the faucet apart again, replacing the new parts with the worn old ones. Just a little counterproductive, but it would give me something to do with my hands. And, if I swore really loudly, my mouth would be busy, too. I want a cigarette!

Okay, get a grip. What else can you do? Go for a walk. That's a great idea. I don't feel like it. I want a cigarette.

So, finally, I decided to sit down and write. The desire for a cigarette has waned, but it's still lingering, just waiting for another excuse to flair up.

I am not going to have a cigarette today. You know why? Because I know I can make it through today.

Tomorrow is the problem. I always have a problem with day three. I thought today was bad? Tomorrow will be worse. Maybe I should just start smoking again today so I don't have to waste any more time thinking about it.

I'll keep you posted.