Current Cast Members

Dirk
is my boyfriend of nearly 4 years. We were friends for two years before we started dating, and have been in a band together for over two years. He's a guitar god, a poet, a writer on my staff, and a really neat-o guy. He also thinks I'm georgeous, which is always a plus in my book, and recognizes my goddess-like qualities. He currently drives a taxi for a living, which means he's making a heck of a lot more money than my ex. He loves cats almost as much as I do, and has one of his own, named Yahoo.

Katie
has been my best friend for about 13 years. She's smart, funny, and basically me in a much friendlier package. She’s currently living with her boyfriend, Adam, and their son, Jakey, born in the spring of this year. He’s a cutie.

Aaron
Dirk's twin brother. He's got a son named Xavier with his ex-girlfriend, Sonia. He also plays rhythm guitar in our band. Back in the bad old days, when Krisco was still making herself heard, he used to help her get to me, but he seems to have realized the error of his ways. We get along alright now, except that I think he's bitchy and annoying, and he thinks that I've got a mean streak. We're pretty good friends when he's not irritating me.

Cathy
A friend from High School. Very Catholic, surprisingly cosmopolitan. It must be all the trashy romance novels she reads.

Pollyanna
That would be a reference to my father (also known in this journal as "my father"). I don't know why he married my mother. I assume intense naivete was involved. Sometimes he astonishes me because he's just so out-of-touch with the real world. Everything has a happy ending for him. He makes me feel sad, until I realize that all the pouting is just a way for him to get his own way. I haven't had much respect for him since the day he had a fit of some sort (I'd probably failed one of my classes again. Does it really matter why?), and said, "Sometimes I think you love Dirk more than me." He was crying, and there was no reason for him to bring up this particular point. I try to avoid him because the only thing he's good at doing is making people feel guilty.

C–
is the only online friend I've kept since my AOL days. He's about twenty-four, lives in another state, and is (was) one of my most treasured friends. He's (was) also so much like me that it scares me sometimes. In fact, if I remember correctly, the friendship originally stemmed from a comparison of favored liquors and poetry/music. He's (was) the only person I ever wanted to understand completely, and he's been there for me when I didn't think I could discuss my emotions with anyone else. We used to be closer. See this.

That Cunt
This is a reference to my mother. She's a mean-spirited woman who enjoys making people suffer, especially family members. She likes her cats a hell of a lot more than she likes me, and she's blackmailed me into living at home. She hates Dirk, and she makes my life miserable whenever he visits. She hurts my father to get back at me, also because she likes the way he cringes (she's said so to me, I'm not guessing). She abused me a lot when I was a child, because she has the same problems controlling her anger that I do. Sometimes I like her, but most of the time I hate her and wish she'd die. I'm genuinely not interested in any recriminations you might have to offer. If you like your mom, that's great. I'm happy for you. If you tell me I should like That Cunt, feel free to take her off my hands. I'm sure she'd enjoy making a sucker like you hurt as much as possible, until you crawl into the fetal position and stay there.

*******

Old Cast Members

Alex
is the other receptionist at my old job. He's irritating, has an imaginary girlfriend, is a hypochondriac, and is a closet homosexual. The homosexual part doesn't bother me, it's the fact that he pretends to be homophobic that bothers me. It's time to come out of the closet. He also goes through my desk drawers when I'm not at work, spreads malicious rumors about me, and constantly talks on the phone to his friends. Other than that, I guess he's an ok guy, but I still don't like him. Luckily, I'm not working there anymore, and he sounds miserable now.

Pia
is my favorite cousin. She's 21, lived with my family for about six months, and really didn't deal with it well. She had a boyfriend back home that she missed---I dunno why. Whenever he called, he called me "ma'am"...as if we weren't the same age!!! Her hobbies are posing en dishabille (in her underwear) for pictures to be e-mailed to her boyfriend, bar-hopping, reading, and cooking. She carries the curse of being really nice (to the point where I often just don't understand what's going through her head), and really meaning well; but she's working through this by using her cooking to make the rest of my family so fat we can't walk anymore. She doesn't have any pets, but she really liked some of my cats, which means she's fully evolved.

Sonia
Aaron's pit viper ex-girlfriend. He used to keep dumping her because she's a bitch and a slut who desperately needs to have her face punched in, but he just couldn't seem to stick to his guns. He always went back to her, because he's a sucker and they have a kid together. He finally dumped her because she was cheating on him, and not even bothering to hide it. If he had any sense, he'd sue for custody of the child because she's a mental case and she can't hold a job....but I'm being bitter. She's never been anything but polite to me, and I've managed to order her around a couple times (which I'm told she'll take from no-one else).

Doshu
Our ex-lead singer. Half-Japanese, Half-Hispanic. An ex-Marine with the best sense of humor I've ever encountered. A complete treasure

Jason

I actually mention two Jasons in this journal. One was our old rhythm guitarist, back in the Bad Old Days. He was cute, an alcoholic, and a jerk. He also had a thing for me, which contributed to him leaving the band. He will be hereafter referred to as Jason A--, to avoid confusion. We never see him anymore.

The other Jason was Dirk's friend. I think he's irritating, a compulsive liar, and stupid. He has a cute girlfriend, which I cannot understand at all. The only redeeming qualities I've seen in him thus far is that he owns a Camaro. Dirk taught him to play guitar. We hang out with him a lot more than I like. Apparently, the problem is me, not him, because everyone else thinks he's a great guy. I just think he's phony.

Krisco
is my boyfriend's psychotic (I mean emotionally disturbed, of course) ex-girlfriend. Krisco isn't her real name, but it suits her much better than her real name--like Crisco, she's greasy, yellow (very timid little bitch), and isn't healthy for you. Her list of sins to date includes:

Claiming to have slept with Dirk long after they broke up

Insisting they were still dating long after they broke up

Covert surveilance operations involving my house (stalking)

Having people call my house looking for Dirk

Following Dirk while he was walking to my house screaming "I love you, I want to be with you!!"

Writing stuff on Dirk's wall like, "user" and "cheater"

Going into his room while he's out somewhere with me and

a)getting people to vandalize his property

b)putting up pictures of herself that Dirk had taken down long ago

c)leaving items that he gave her while they were dating lying around

d)leaving little notes lying around that whine about how much she wishes they were still dating.

Trying to sneak over to Dirk's house to spend the night (he didn't invite her)

Trying to insist that Dirk spend major holidays and birthday with her, instead of his girlfriend

Pitching fits when he's on the phone with me or is going somewhere with me

Chasing us in her car, breaking at least two traffic laws in the process, and crying so hard she had to be having problems seeing

Breaking into Dirk's e-mail account

Accusing us of harassing her at work (as if we didn't have better things to do).

Anyway, I want to kill her one day.

Oh, and she has a cat named Carna, of all things, but that doesn't mean she's evolved. Her cat's a neurotic mess, so I count that as devolving. You don't abuse gods.

Roachboy
was my ex-boyfriend. He was an arrogant, holier-than-thou (or should I say more-dedicated-than-thou), foot fetishist. He called me a liar, although I have yet to say anything untrue about him. He called me a backstabbing bitch, although he refused to admit to this. He blamed me for the further corruption of Dirk. I thought we'd be able to remain friends after the breakup, but Roachboy turned out to be too much of a prick to manage that. He read this journal (though I asked him not to) and got mad at me for what he saw. Then he fired off angry little e-mails accusing me of misrepresenting him and wondered why I was always so mean to him when I e-mailed him back. Roachboy had a fiancee, Sludge, that he was too mean to tell me about. I later found out that she was some bimbo he met online, and never met in person. One of his excuses for not paying me back the $1,000 he owed me is that he ran up a $600 phone bill trying to get her to move to North Carolina. And then he got mad when I make shit up. The only steady job Roachboy was ever able to hold down was at McDonald's. I'm not sure why. I think it's because he had "issues". But he died, so I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. (He isn’t really. I’m just saying that because it pisses him off.)