This is it! The issue that you have been waiting for! The fabulous TENTH!....I repeat, TENTH issue. This is the issue that they will keep in the Smithsonian building years after this has been written. This issue was saved for AN INTERVIEW WITH THE BARD!.....but since I don't have the interview for this week......I give you another crummy list.

Excuses why I did not have this week's issue

• All you can rib night at the sizzler.(you have to whisper the last word.)
• I've fallen and I can't get up!
• Mexican jumping brains have invaded my bean, thus impairing my thinking.
• I have been trapped in my apartment due to the Earth's inertia.
• Low riding golf carts have been following me.....
• Intelligent hamburgers have been lecturing me all week about the importance of good earlobe hygene.
• I fed my pets after midnight and well....you all better run for you lives!
• I've been grieving over the death of the man who wrote the,"Hokey Pokey".
• Love is a battlefield(even in left field)
• Loads of innapropriate love letters have been coming in that have been sent by Benedictine Monks want to sing my lists on their next,"Chant" album.