Hello my little ghouls and ghoulettes!
I know you've all been there,
we've all been there.
But we soon forget what it's like to be single on this
mildly eccentric orb we call Earth. Well, recently returning
to the institution of bachelorhood has jogged my memory,
so I give you this new list...
You know you are single again when...
- You come to the horrific realization that you just sat through
a rerun of V.I.P. with the sound turned down.
- You're curious about what's underneath Ms. Pac-Man's Bow.
- All the servers at Denny's know you name and what your "Usual" is.
- Your clothes smell like "Guys" again.
- All the cashiers at Le Sexxx shoppe know your name,
and what
your "Usual" is.
- At family reunions, you are suspiciously curious about who
your second cousins are.
- All of a sudden; Valentine's Day is for pussies.
- You seem disturbingly vigilant when it comes to Mary-Kate and
Ashly Olsen's eighteenth birthday.
- You limit yourself to one masturbation session a week to just
"Take the edge off".
- Without thinking much about it, you wear the same article of clothing
for three days straight.
- You come to the horrific realization that you just sat through
a rerun of The Golden Girls with the sound turned down.
AUTHOR's NOTE: The author does not sexually discriminate
against all older women and even in this day in age; would still
do Sophia Loren.