It was not that people were cold hearted, it was more that they were insecure in their own sense of self. People were sure no one else could understand them because their live journey was so unique. Truth was most lives were very similar some joy and lots of sorrow. Since few people spoke of the silent horrors in their lives. It was understandable that people lived in quiet desperation. Most people were scared to form relationships. They were afraid the other person would discover too much about them and then use it against them. People could offer little comfort to each other since for the most part they lived their lives only in their head. Some form of competition or an array of practical jokes usually replaced true relationships. Today's society made it easier to live your entire existence anonymously and many persons were doing just that.
The break down of the extended family and continuous bombardments of entertainment wither away what is left of the art of conversation. It seemed most people were so unaccustomed to simple communication. They would often act out the role of fictitious charters they had seen in similar situations. Most people weren't aware that to a large degree this had become their personality. As was often said TV was destroying us, along with a couple thousand other things. Bill's, little speech the other night as amusing as it had been. Was just another role he used to show anguish and frustration toward the inevitable, aging? Where the roles ended and we as individuals began were becoming increasing difficult to define. Of course, only in the Western World would you consider such matters. Most of the world was to concern about where they were going to find their next meal. Surprisingly the poor and starving in the world were still better at communication then those in the affluent nations. In the United States technology had afforded us more leisure hours then any other nation. The problem was we didn't know what to do with it. Having no sense of belonging to a larger group, people spent their time sitting in front of the television. We spent so much time watching TV in hopes that it would teach us the ways human beings were supposed to behave. Unfortunately, since the entire enterprise is geared to sell us merchandise, little time is spent on how humans might better spend time on this planet. As was said TV was destroying us along with a thousand other things.
People want so much to feel a sense of belonging they seek those who feel the same as they do. Unfortunately, these people see matters alike and agree on almost everything. Their flaws and shortcomings are not recognized within the group, and therefore, become more apparent to the greater society.
This is what I would think about when I was doing nothing and I guess that is exactly what I was doing, "nothing" . Anyway more than anything, "it" was just making me numb and depressed. I think this was the general mood of many people. As I was evaluating the merit of my social critique, I realized I was becoming as negative as Bill. I decided it was a good time for a little drunken debauchery and knew just the right person to call.
Dan Frostburg was insane, I don't mean in the wild, crazy sense, but in the serious disturbed sense. My present state of gloomy affairs nevertheless lent me to seek his company. Dan was not a person I cared to see much when I was sober because of his general strangeness. But he was just the right person to see if you were in the mood to get seriously shit faced. The recent break-up with Liz put me in just such a mood. I didn't believe the break-up would last but I needed to stop thinking about the situation.
Dan was a small guy, about five feet six inches, with red curly hair and a matching beard and mustache. In many ways he resembled Charles Mansion, and I'm sure many of his behaviors were similar. When you went out with Dan, you were guaranteed it would become an adventure. Most times this would be an adventure you would later regret. My depression and sense of abandonment from Liz made be set for anything no matter where it might lead.
I called Dan. He had to pick up some Cocaine but after that we would meet at the "Drink & Drown". Dan seemed to always have Coke or was picking some up. This was probably the cause of some of his strange behavior and weird personality traits. I liked drugs too, but Cocaine was never high on my list.
The "Drink and Drown" was one of my favorite nightspots. It was situated inside the city line, which tended to keep the suburbanites away. Young people from the suburbs were too scared to venture near the inner city after dark, which was just fine with me. The "Drink and Drown" had a rustic charm. It was built over two hundred years ago and it showed its age. An age when things were built to last and the "Drink and Drown" had done just that. There was always a smell of stale beer and old wood. The wood smell emanated from the huge exposed rafters that held the ancient structure together.
This was a working man's tavern. The bartenders wouldn't even know what a Pina Colada was. On warm nights, the area that used to be for stabling your horses served as an outdoor bar. Modern skyscrapers were now situated to either side of the tavern and the outside "stable" bar was nestled in an urban alleyway.
I had already finished my first beer when Dan walked in. He was accompanied by a guy in his late 20's with a large scar across his forehead and the look of an escaped psycho. I quickly ordered a double scotch and water, figuring I better stay a few furloughs in front of these guys. Dan greeted me in his usual friendly, crazed manner.
"Tim he screamed across the bar, "you stinking fucking bastard."
He then embraced me with a big bear hug that lifted me off the ground. His psycho friend eyed me suspiciously and grunted.
"You get what you were looking for?" I asked.
"No. Asshole wasn't home," Dan said.
He introduced Howard who was already ordering drinks. Dan began loudly explaining which women in the bar would best lend themselves to a variety of sexual positions.
"So, what gives man?" Dan finally asked, "I haven't seen you in months."
"Same old," I said, "you know, school, regular bullshit. Liz and I just broke up the other day. Looks like it may be for good."
I was careful not to say she broke up with me or to show the devastation I felt.
"Bumber man. She dumped you right?"
"Something like that," I said.
"Probably giving you that crap about 'got to be more, 'got to do more, who needs it? The whole shithouse is in flames anyway. Sounds likes we are going to have to make this a special night to commemorate the occasion."
"Yeah, right," I said.
"I'm serious," Dan said "we've got some 'Shrooms."
Well it had been awhile since I last tripped and I guess in a way it was an occasion, although not very special.
I agreed that later we should find a nice place and take the 'Shrooms. I didn't want to do it in the bar, not the right atmosphere. We decided to kick back and concentrate on drinking for the time being. We managed to get a good "buzz" on while listening to some local blues band. The mood was mellow and pleasant to me, but this was just the kind of scene that made Dan nuts. Dan was a loud, boisterous drunk, who always wanted something happening. The quiet mellow tones of the band and the increasing blood alcohol level in Dan made it a good bet that something would soon break. Only minutes after thinking this, I saw Dan stagger toward the band.
"Let's hear some rock and roll," Dan bellowed, "enough of this moody ass bullshit."
"Up yours, you wired out geek," one band member screamed back.
Dan was on the stage within seconds and just as instantly was pulled back by the bar's bouncers.
I figured I better get one more piss in before we got thrown out. Weaving my way through the crowd toward the restroom it became apparent to me that I was drunker than I had suspected. I staggered through the restroom door, swaying back and forth as I approached the urinal. Managing to get unzipped I started to take piss. Unfortunately, my aim was a bit off and I pissed on the guy's leg beside. Naturally he was not amused.
"What the fuck...." were the only words he managed to say. Before he even knew what happened, I hit full force with my fist to his midsection. The guy was a lot bigger than me and looked like he was about to kill me. I figured if I didn't strike first I might not get out in one piece. A bathroom would be a terrible place to die. With the gentleman in the Restroom doubled over and groaning, I thought it might be a good time to exit the old "Drink and Drown" for the evening.
I ran out of the Bathroom and began to scope the bar for Dan and his psycho friend. Dan was still wrestling around with the bouncers as Howard sat quietly in the corner with a calmness that was chilling.
"Dan, I yelled across the bar, Trouble! Time to vacate."
"I'm with you," Dan hollered back.
Dan might of have been a bit nuts but he had been enough trouble to know when someone said go, you go. Questions can come later.
I stumbled out of the bar in a very inebriated condition. I fell in the parking lot cutting my arm in the process. As Dan turned to ask if I was going to make it, I saw the guy from the Restroom exiting "Drink and Drown" with two of his friends. I looked around the parking lot for my car but in my drunken pain I could not immediately identify it. Dan and Howard sensed the impending danger and already had their bikes started.
"Dan I screamed, no time to locate my car. I need to hitch a ride with you."
"Hop on," Dan said.
As soon I climbed on the back Dan was off. We had to swing close to "Bathroom Man" to exit the parking lot.
I heard him scream, "I'm going to kill you motherfucker."
He tossed a beer bottle that missed my head by inches. I heard Dan laughing hysterically.
"You sure pissed that dude off," he said.
"Yeah, you have no idea how right you are."
"Well, where to?" Dan screamed back to me.
Since I didn't have a helmet on I thought we better get off the main drag. Helmets were required when riding bikes in this State. Stupid law since the only damage that you could do was to yourself.
"How about Delta?" I asked.
"Sounds good," Dan said .
Dan pulled his bike next to Howard's.
"Delta," he screamed.
Apparently Howard was familiar with Delta because this was all that was needed to be said for Howard to give a thumbs up.
We were cruising along country roads at high rates of speed. The spring air was crisp and fresh. The air filled my lungs and seemed to awaken my entire body to the sharp, cool taste of life. Dan was wheeling off the tops of the hills. This was no small feat since his bike was a real heavyweight. Dan was riding an old '81, Honda 900 CB Custom that was starting to show it had been on this planet for the past fourteen years. Nicknamed "The Blue Bomb," the bike had lots of power and could hold its own against my '91 Katana in straight ways. But not on turns, I could blow "The Bomb away on turns. Howard's bike, was a Honda 750 Nighthawk, gamy but not as fast as "The Bomb".
When we hit one long straight stretch Howard took off. Dan of course had to take him up on the challenge. Since "The Bomb was carrying a passenger, the race was a lot closer then it normally would have been. The lead was traded several times in what was about a quarter mile stretch. Dan was forced to push high Rpm's to stay with the Nighthawk. I noticed the front end was a bit lose and wobbly and was hoping the race would end soon. I couldn't be sure but it seemed as if one of his front forks was bent.
Who won the race depends on your point of view. Dan slowed first, but Howard immediately passed him, as if he was still racing. This was the kind of ending that could be debated for sometime. When I glanced at the speedometer near the end of the race it was reading 115mph. Not bad for a bike carrying two people.
We arrived at Delta around 11 p.m. The quarry could be seen in its entire splendor by the light of the full moon. We rode down to the water's edge. From this side you could see the cliff that Bill and I had sat a few evenings past. Graffiti in beautiful, spectacular colors covered the side of the cliff. The slogans were mostly sophomoric in nature but the effort it must have taken to write them, dangling on the side of a cliff, was truly inspirational.
One graffiti artist had attempted to entice people to try the highest jump off the cliff. The slogan read, "Big Bertha No Wimp Need Try" with a crude picture of a naked lady with big breasts and a huge butt. This was supposed to be Bertha. "Big Bertha was about eighty feet above the water and you had to jump far out to avoid hitting the edge of the cliff. No wimps had tried I thought, but plenty of assholes. I had seen lots of people make the jump usually after consuming large qualities of alcohol. Since most people were drunk when they attempted "Bertha," there had been numerous mishaps over the years. There had been cases where guys didn't jump out far enough. One guy even died when he didn't clear the cliff and hit the sharp, jagged slat edge. Another had to have his arm amputated because the wound was so severe. Even if you did clear the cliff there was still a danger from the hard impact of the water. Many people had broken bones, lost consciousness, or had large body bruises to show for their drunken bravado. Surprisingly, even with all these accidents occurring the local police never raided Delta. Delta was a small country town where the people were extremely independent. I think the law enforcement felt that if you wanted to risk your neck that was your business. Still I hoped Dan and Howard had more sense then to try "Bertha" tonight.
"So, you want 'shrooms or acid or a combination of the two?" Howard asked.
This was the first time I realized that Howard not Dan had the drugs for the evening. It was also the first time I heard that acid as well was on the menu. I was reluctant to purchase from Howard but thought I should at least inquiry to price.
"How much?" I asked.
"One hit of acid for five bucks and a gram of mushrooms for ten. If you take two hits of acid and a gram of 'shrooms and ear it all tonight then it's free," Howard said.
I had thought Howard seemed strange and this proved it. Why would anyone want to give drugs away? I never had not taken 'shrooms and acid at the same time but I knew from taking both separately that the trip was very similar.
"Why does it concern you how much I take?" I asked Howard.
"Well that is how much Dan and I are going to take but if you don't think you can handle it...."
A dare of this nature would usually mean about as much as "Big Bertha's" taunt, but the booze swimming in my head made me feel differently.
"Hey, if you want to give it away that's fine with me, Howard"
Howard was surprised that his offer was accepted so readily. It was the only time that Howard looked at me with anything but contempt. On some macho level I had gained his respect; who needed it?
"It has to be taken in front of me if you want it free," Howard added.
"Whatever floats your boat," I said.
Howard gave me the 'shrooms and acid and I immediately ate the 'shrooms. I wanted to get the mushrooms down as soon as possible because I couldn't stand the taste. The blotter didn't have a taste so there was no problem there. I didn't worry amount the large quantity of hallucinogens I had just ingested since I figured the amount of alcohol in me would lessen the effect.
Dan and I began gathering material to make a fire as Howard sat on a rock smoking a joint. Between trips unloading the wood we would stop to take a hit from the joint. The way in which Howard shared his drugs was almost making him tolerable to me
It was a great spring night about sixty-five degrees with a slight breeze. The fire wasn't necessary but there is always something nice about an outdoor fire, especially if you are planning on tripping. As we started lighting the fire the mushrooms began to kick in. I could tell it was the 'shrooms and not the acid from the feel in my stomach. "Shrooms always gave me an upset stomach and I usually became nauseated, but this would not be one of those nights. My stomach continued to churn but now with a pleasant sensation. This I knew was the acid. Acid would always bring everything to life, my stomach never rejected it like 'shrooms instead it would embrace it like a long lost friend. As I stared at Dan and Howard I realized more then my stomach was being affected. Dan and Howard began to appear as cave men by the fire. Howard had removed his shirt then enhanced the perception. I began to feel I too was a primitive being in a strange world.
The fire looked magnificent with thousands of changing colors shooting into the air. The fire was very much a living being in my mind. Although I knew it was only because I was tripping, I couldn't get the notion that the fire was alive out ofd my mind. No longer did I feel any effects of alcohol and I wondered why I ever wanted to in the first place. This was a pure tripping experience and for the moment it was utopia. Dan and Howard whispered something to each other and began laughing hysterically. The laughter seem to last for hours. I gazed at the quarry and notice the light of the fire glittering from the sparkling water. The reflection of the flame was playing a game of cat and mouse with the slow rippling motion of the water. This was a race I knew would have no ending: not in my lifetime at least.
"You feeling it yet," Dan said.
"Oh, yeah, clear visions," I said>
"Your vision live only within the fire" this was not a question but a statement of fact by Howard.
"No, I said they are living inside the water which is consuming the fire"
"Tim what the hell are you talking about," Dan said.
"No man, he feels the groove," Howard said.
To my surprise it was Howard I was now connecting with.
Connections are very important when you trip and can make the difference between a good or bad one.
I look at the water again. What I saw was very strange, regardless of what drugs you ingested. A small, shiny, round, metallic object slowly rose to the surface. As the object came closer its mass multiply as it came nearer. By the time it broke the surface of the water it was ten feet in diameter and resembled a large jellyfish. Colors were now swirling inside the transparent body. It flew ten feet above water and I saw what looked like tentacles hanging from it. In the next moment it was gone in swirling flash of bright lights and colors. It shot from sight quicker then a blink of the eye; lost to the sky forever. I managed to get Dan's attention just as the object/being? broke the surface of the water.
"What in mother of God...?" is all he managed to say.
I realized that this was either a shared hallucination or it existed. I wasn't sure which possibility scared me more. Howard glanced over at the object/being as it sailed off to the sky. He seemed to be only mildly interested. Dan and I were in complete shock.
"Did you see that," Dan and I screamed in unison.
"Yeah, so what," was all Howard said.
"Did you see the tentacles on the thing," Dan said still in awe."
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen in my life," I added.
"Well I guess my life has been a bit more interesting," was Howard reply.
"Yeah, but can you explain it," Dan now said to Howard.
"Why does it need to be explained? It was what it was."
"Which is," I asked.
"Who knows," said Howard.
Howard was either more whacked out then I imagined, or had something more going for him, I wasn't sure which.
"Everything should not have an explanation. That's what makes life interesting," Howard concluded.
"To our LSD minds this made perfect sense so the most amazing occurrence of my entire existence was simply dropped from conversation.
"Hey, let's go for a swim," Dan said.
I was hesitant to accept this offer, since I had just witness some alien mutant spring from the very water Dan was now suggesting we swim in. Nevertheless when Howard agreed I also reluctantly said, "let's do it". We striped to our underwear and plunged into the water. The water was freezing. It was only April and in this area of Pennsylvania good swimming weather didn't begin till early June. We started a small splashing war. The water had a trail of colorful tracers as it ascended upon us.When we became bored of the splashing battle, people went swimming in their own direction. Swimming was very strange when you were tripping. It felt as though the water was much denser, as if you were swimming in Jell-O.(Continued on Delta III)
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