You know...the bag you thought of. No not that one. There's only one bag like it right? It looks a lot like all the others, until you devote sufficient study to its unique creases and whispers. Paper bags are like snowflakes in that respect, but not even little children respect them. How many times have you heard someone say, "It was JUST a plain brown bag"? I don't know about you but I am proud to be plain brown. Just because of this you want to smear me with grease, crumple me, and launch me out of your cruel hands never to be caressed or appreciated. Oh! What you've missed, Lucia! What we've both missed!

if you don't tell me who lucia is i will kill you. MAKE SENSE, DAMMIT! I HATE THINGS THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I am a sailor, and I sail the seven seas of the mind, totally oblivious to my surroundings! You don't exist!

No, but seriously, you are a very special, special, special, special, special, special, special person, Meggel or whatever your name iz. I was going to tell you in private email, but my image is more important than anyone's feelings in this whole universe.

NO! I AM EVIL! LET GO! OWW! EVIL IS BAD!

> > >Not-Yet Popette (Why do I keep thinking about bugs?) Meg >

>P.S. I don't care what you say, Alan Keyes is NOT taking time out from his oh-so-chaotic rehab to drill holes in your head for appliances. It makes no sense.

>His shakes are MUCH too bad for such delicate telephone operations.

You are SO wrong, but I can't explain why because I am the FAX TOTEM! I am so full of myself that I can't even bother to explain the obvious proof that I am not full of myself! I am so full of myself that I am totally unable to stop talking about how full I am of myself, or about how I am so full of myself that I talk about how full of myself I am 24 weeks a year 24 hours a week, for ALL TIME because I AM all time, dammit, I am ALL SLACK! I am Camille De Laclos, I am a paintbrush, I am the wind in the trees, I am the Beginning and the End, I am the fat-ass of all your dreams, their dreams, everything is MINE so GIMME, Your mother eats my breakfast cereal!

I begin and end every sentence with I. Because I AM I! I AM THAT I AM! I am this: BOOM!

The only reason I changed the subject to myself is because I AM the subject of ALL conversations, all else is mere conjecture and inanimate objects, I NEVER CHANGE and I am always changing because I am change itself, I am the Law in the Chaos, the Flaw in the Law, the Sell-Out in the Temple, the Temple of the Sell-Out! I am BOOM AGAIN! BOOM! BOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But we were talking about you, and having civilized conversation without SCREAMING FOR NO REASON, I forgot.

I saw a plain brown bag once, and inside was Cthulhu and Jesus themselves, you are absolutely right. And I saw another plain brown bag once, and inside of it was just another plain brown bag, inside of which was the original plain brown bag. The thing is, these days it seems all the bags are stapled shut, and the only way to find out what's inside is to destroy the bag, tear it open and let the inside fall out on the floor, and half the time it's my long-lost brother in there who was using the bag for a life-support system.

So mostly I avoid plain brown bags and go for the flashy ones which I know have nothing inside them. These make good firewood. Also I like ones that say "DANGER: CTHULHU" on them because I know that if I tear the wrapper wrong it's me who gets et by squids, not vice versa. The little kind is real delicate, and I still haven't found one of them keep-a-squid-alive-outside-a-life-support-bag thingys. And unless you got one of those, if you want to keep the damn thing alive you have to let it feed on the blood of your own face, which is no fun to say the least, especially once they get them barbs attached.

The coolest ones though are the bags that look plain brown to the casual observer, but in little teeny tiny print it says "guluula", and then you have a nice day.

-Agsts "..." QPM 1