Conference

Dahn at Brighton, the Labour party are having thier yearly bash. It all went well, until someone hired a temporary chef...

[Tony Blair] Here we see old Tone after eating a lemon merangue pie. Someone had clearly put too much lemon juice in and it spoilt his entire speech.

Afterwards, he told us,

That merangue was strong. Good stuff though. I just hope the audience understood me.

Gordon Brown's speech

Earlier in the week, Mr Gordon Brown gave a speech. However, the majority of this speech was virtually impossible to hear. This was all down to a certain proportion of the onlooking audience singing

"Gordon Brown, texture like sun, come on down, get off your bum. Thou' not a knight, he's not scared to fight. Never a frown, with Gordon Brown"

Now, while we are avid fans of the Stranglers (but only every alternate Tuesday, it meant that the off-key singing of Mr Brown's supporters distracted from the important "One Job for everyone" speech which he was giving. However, the bits of said speach which we did hear, had startling plans to fix the economic situation. There was to be created one job, which, all those who are unemployed at any one time, are to do. Of course, as the number unemployed far outweigh the single position, a time-sharing situation is to be invoked. Should your number come up, you will be expected to report for work at 9am the following morning. Failure to do this, would cause a detrimental ammount to be taken from your yearly allowance. Repeated offenders will have their Tv licences torn up and would be thrown in prison for a period not exceeding 48 days.

We are proud to announce that the first person to undertake the job in question, is a Mr Arther Scullings, of 24 Broadgate, West London.