The B/C Celebrity Database
A quite horrifying collation of celebrities who haunt our lives. Take serious precautions when reading the below, as nobody has finished this page without a feeling of distress.
PAT SHARP
Many of you will hear this name and shudder with fear. If this name however has passed you by.....do you remember Funhouse? Yes, he was the deformed mullet-ridden presenter, whom along with the twins (yes, perhaps they are B-Celebs as well) infected our screens on a Friday afternoon, the perfect appetiser for the weekend. I, along with millions of other children, so desperately wanted an unlimited jaunt within the funhouse, but I, along with millions of others, didn't.
BRADLEY WALSH
I simply cannot stand him. It's amazing how a obviously untalented person can get on to TV with ridiculous ease. I was even more shocked when I found out he was a comedian. Well, to give him some credit, I did laugh at that fact. The Wheel of Fortune used to be a quality programme, up there with Bruce's Generation Game, that's Bruce's, and Blankety Blank (pre transvestite era). I mean, who had more finesse than Nicky Campbell when he was on form, and who could beat the dry style of John Leslie - one of the very few people to keep some integrity after Blue Peter. No, I shan't be watching until he is exterminated.
TOM O'CONNOR
This man is just brutally disgusting. He used to contaminate my summer holidays with his bloody Crosswits gameshow. The show had people with 1950's homely cardigans, they all smoked pipes (including the old wrinkly women), and the younger women was as equally attractive as, (as no-one is less attractive than) Anne Widdecombe.
SANDI TOKSVIG
She's Swedish. She admitted she's a lesbian. To any outsider that's a dream come true. You'll soon be physically sick when you see her. She sounds and looks like a man, and has the same bodily forms as Charlie Dimmock, yet another beauty that the BBC has to offer. Sandi is a classic B-Celebrity, she's up with the best of them, but she's bloody ugly.
RUSSELL GRANT
Poor Russell Grant. Demoted from debatable mega-stardom on the This Morning show, all the way down to horoscopes in the tabloids, and to little snippets on Channel 5. I feel a bit of sympathy for him, even though he's still a fat queer.
ANNE DIAMOND
Another star of our screens has vanished without trace. She used to grace television, along with an unbeatable team of Ulrika Johnnson and Richard Keys on the classic TV-AM. Nobody knows what she is doing now, but frankly I do believe that nobody cares.
EMMA FORBES
Everyone knows who she is. One of the original presenters of Live and Kicking, along with Andy Peters, created a quality Saturday morning programme. There have been many failures at this, but this is a rare exception. She must have left mankind about four years ago, and is highly unlikely to make a comeback.
SARAH GREEN
Good old Sarah Green. She held a great partnership with Phillip Schofield, on the quite frankly magnificent Going Live. Now, she makes incredibly rare appearances on Disney Time, that is sometimes pumped out as a filler on Sundays (usually after a death).
This page will be updated bi-monthly, when many more horrors will be added. But it's not just my B-Celebs, I want yours! So don't hesitate to contact me, put please be careful and do not freely hurl appalling names at me, as this would cause unbelievable emotional distress.