Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She

notices that there are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are

there so many clocks here. St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a

person on earth and that every time a person tells a lie, the clock ticks

off one-second. St. Peter explains that the one clock has never moved

because it belonged to mother Theresa and she never told a lie her whole

life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told

two lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked. Hillary asks,

"Where is Bill's clock?" St. Peter laughs, "Bill's clock is in Jesus'

office. He's using it as a fan.

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says

 to the other, "I hear that the people of this country

actually eat dogs.

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in

America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding

emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor

and they both walk towards the cart.

"Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased

to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them

over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench

and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'

The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to

blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the

other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"