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Fish Fillet
Erap and his bodyguards went out to eat (seems like they always do, huh?). Anyway, the waiter presented the menus so they can look it over and decide which entree they wished to have. The waiter came back later and began to take their orders. When he got to Erap, Erap said, "Ok, I think I'll get the Fish Filet (which he pronounced "pish pilit"). The waiter was snickering at Erap's goof-up so he asked the waiter what was so funny. The waiter said, "Oh sir, the correct pronounciation is 'fi-ley'." Erap said, "Oh I see. Sorry, I'll have the pish pi-ley then."
Anyway, after they finished their meals, Erap asked for the bill. The waiter presented the bill to Erap and he dug through his pockets to retrieve his wallet. He realized he left his wallet in the car! So he told the waiter, "Can you hold for a second, I think I left my wa-ley in the car!"
Under Age
Super Bait talaga si boss Erap!!! After work nag-lilibre kung mahusay ang takbo ng araw. Boss Erap: Okay boys!! We had a good day today, so lets celebrate Da boys: Talaga naman palang okey si bosing. Nagpunta Sila sa isang mamahaling Diskohan sa makati.. wow!! Pagdating nila sa disco, hindi na sila pumila dahil kasama si bosing Erap. Bosing Erap: Wait boys!! Sandali.. Hindi pwede Biglang pahinto si Erap Da boyz: eh bakit boss.. huwats wrong (pabulong ng isa kay bosing erap) Bosing Erap: eh sabi ng Karatula "21 and above". Da boyz: bakit boss!! Erap: Sasampu lang tayo eh..
Da Meaning of Contemplate
Secretary: ah mister president, may nabasa akong word sa paper niyo na hindi ata bagay para e-explain yung gusto ninyong sabihin.
Presidente Erap: ahh ano ba yung word na yan... at sasabihin ko sayo ang ibig sabihin nun. Secretary: Yung "contemplate" ho..
Presidente Erap: CONTEMPLATE, ganito yan in a sentence. "Alam mo, nagpunta ako ng party ngunit noong akoy kakain napansin ko co con-template. (ko konting plate).
Administration vs Erap
In a last ditch attempt to disqualify Erap from being President, the administration has accused Erap of having "such a low IQ" that would not allow him to perform the functions of a President.
After much debate between the LAMMP party and the administration, it was decided that Comelec would ask Erap (l0) basic questions and all Erap needed was just to get one question right.
It was also agreed that the questions could be asked in Tagalog or Tag-lish, so Erap would suffer no disadvantage from his lack of English. After further negotiations, Comelec also agreed that Ronnie Poe, Edong Angara and Reli German could give clues to Erap.
Below are the results of the question-and-answer session between Erap, his advisors and the Comelec.
#1
Comelec: Anong hayop sa dagat ang may walong tentacles?
Reli: Ang pangalan niya ay nagsisimula sa letrang "O-C-T-O"
Erap: October?
Comelec: Hindi.
Edong: Erap, "walo" ang "tentacles" nito!
Erap: Octo-walo?
Comelec: Hindi pa rin.
Ronnie: Erap, ang hayop na ito ay malambot ang katawan.
Erap: Ah, Octoart dancer!
Comelec: Hindi pa rin.
Reli: Last clue. Nagtatapos sa "S" ang pangalan.
Erap: Octoarts dancers!
Comelec: Sorry! Hindi pa rin! Next question...
#2
Comelec: What is the national tree of the Philippines? (Narra)
Reli: It starts with the letter "N"
Erap: Alam ko 'yan...niyog.
Comelec: Hindi.
Ronnie: Erap, mas malakas pa diyan!!!
Erap: (In his strongest-sounding voice)...NIYOG!
Comelec: Sorry! Next question...
#3
Comelec: OK, History naman...Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?
Edong: Erap, it starts with letter "B" (Bagumbayan)
Erap: OK, OK...sa kanyang "Back"
Comelec: Hindi.
Ronnie, Edong, Reli and the Comelec enter in quiet discussion.
Reli: O, Erap, puwede rin daw ang letter "L" (Luneta)
Erap: 'yon pala...sa Likod!
Erap's three advisors and the Comelec confer again...afterwards...
Ronnie: O, Erap, last clue daw. Puwede rin "R.P." (Rizal Park)
Erap: Tenks, Ronnie...kuha ko na! Sa kanyang "Rear Part"!
Comelec: Sorry. Next question...
#4
Comelec: Saan pumupunta ang tao pag-summer upang maligo?
Ronnie: Erap, starts with letter "B"!
Erap: Siyempre...Banyo!
Comelec: Sorry.
Edong: Remember..."pag-summer"
Reli: E'tong clue...maararawan ka diyan!
Ronnie: Last clue, Erap...maraming naka-bikini diyan!
Erap: Sana, sinabi mo pa 'yan kanina!....BEERHOUSE!
Comelec: Sorry, next question...
#5
Comelec: What is the national bird of the Philippines? (Maya)
Edong: Starts with the letter "M"
Erap: Manok???
Comelec: Sorry.
Reli: Erap, "brown" ang kulay nito!
Erap: Piniritong manok?
Comelec: Sorry!
Ronnie: Maliit na maliit ito, pero itsurang ibon pa rin!!!
Erap: Maggie Chicken Cube?
Comelec: Sorry. Next question...
#6
Comelec: What is the country's national flower? (Sampaguita)
Edong: Starts with the letter "S" and grows in the sun!
Erap: Sunflower???
Comelec: Hindi.
Ronnie: Erap, binebenta ito sa kalye!
Erap: Stork?
Reli: Bulaklak, sabi eh...
Erap: Ah, sitsarong bulaklak!
Ronnie: Isa pang clue! Ends with the letter "A"
Erap: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Comelec: Sorry!
Reli: Last clue! Kapangalan ito ang isang sikat na singer!
Remember, Erap, starts with "S" and ends with "A"!!!
Erap: Sharon Cuneta!
Comelec: Sorry. Next question...
#7
Comelec: Ano ang tawag sa taong sumasagip sa nalulunod? (Lifeguard)
Edong: Isipan mo, Erap - may "buhay" sa Ingles ang sagot nito!
Erap: Ah...Lifebuoy!
Comelec: Sorry!
Reli: O, Erap...isipin mo...may "bantay" sa Ingles!
Erap: Safeguard?
Comelec: Sorry.
Ronnie: Malapit na, Erap! Pagsamahin mo na lang ang sagot mo!
Erap: Safeboy?
Comelec: Sorry...last clue.
Ronnie: Hindi siya "boy" at maskulado ang katawan niya!
Erap: 'Yon pala! ....Mr. Clean!
#8
Comelec: Sino ang kauna-unahang chess grandmaster of Asia?
Edong: Ang kapangalan niya ang isang tao sa chess (Eugene Torre)
Erap: Carole King?
Comelec: Sorry.
Reli: Mas mababa sa King.
Erap: Al Quinn?
Comelec: Sorry.
Ronnie: Tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Erap: Armida Siguion-Reyna?
Comelec: Try again.
Edong: Mas mababa sa reyna.
Erap: Bishop Bacani?
Comelec: Sorry.
Reli: Mas mababa pa sa bishop.
Erap: Johnny Midnight?
Comelec: Sorry. Last chance.
Ronnie: Erap, mas mababa pa sa knight!
Erap: Kuha ko na! Jerry Pons!
Comelec: Sorry! Last chance talaga!
Reli: Erap, isipin mo! Ano ang piyesang hindi ba binanggit?
Erap: Thinking...thinking...ah, 'yun pala...Sylvia La Torre!
#9
Comelec: Oh, simple math na lang! Ano ang "2 + 2" ???
Erap: Three!
Comelec: Sorry.
Ronnie: Mataas pa diyan!
Erap: (In his highest-pitched voice) Threeeeeeee!!!
#10
Comelec: OK, last question na ito! You still need one correct!
Sino ang national hero sa 500-peso bill? (Ninoy Aquino)
Edong: First initial is "N"
Reli: Second initial is "A"
Erap: OK, I got it! Nora Aunor!
Comelec: Sorry.
Edong: Ang last letter ng palayaw niya ay "Y"
Erap: Ah...Guy Aunor!
Comelec: Sorry.
Ronnie: Erap, dating senador ito!
Erap: Si former Senator Guy Aunor?
Comelec: Sorry.
Reli: Erap, patay na siya!!!
Erap: Ano? Patay na si Nora Aunor???