Here I sit and wonder what it's all for. Roughly half a dozen people visit this site each day; sometimes less. It's the same people coming back day after day, and I'm sure that someday they'll get tired of me and leave entirely. The situation wouldn't be much better if there were hundreds of people visiting each day. It would be more hate messages in the guestbook. They're much bolder in numbers. It would be more people I can't make to understand my words, and more people who will debate my views. I will be proven wrong someday. Everybody is at some point, for if anyone ever seems to be completely right, it's just that not enough questions have been asked of him. When that happens and my last bit of credibility is destroyed, I'll be just another crazy man preaching from his soapbox on the street corner. Nobody cares about that. I know I don't. Then perhaps I'll give this all up and waste my days away watching cartoons and reading fantasy novels in an effort to enjoy life however I can, only to be mocked once more for my pathetic lifestyle. I'll be out of shape and working an endless, mindless job in an office building somewhere; another faceless schmuck in the crowd. I often try to imagine how people in my audience react to these words. I've seen the fate of those featured on sites like Something Awful. I'm sure the arrogant wretches would tell me to kill myself rather than whine so much, which would serve to prove my point further. Just a few thoughts, not even organized into coherent paragraphs; something else for those kinds of people to target. I've seen it before. Humanity is corrupt. Have a nice day.
Happy Independence Day, American miscreants. It's time to celebrate our freedom from outside control, which allows us to spend our time trying to control each other. Exercise your own freedom of infringing upon others' freedom. Set off some explosives in your back yard, wave little foreign-made cheap flags around, and pretend you actually feel a sense of unity with the other few hundred million people in the country.
It's just for one day, after all. Tomorrow it will be business as usual: the standard dog-eat-dog, cut-throat, merciless corporate world, the same old petty arguments you have with your friends, and cruel life as it has always been.
Patriotism is no longer a feeling. It's a festival. After all the trouble people have gone through to try to make the country great, people are too damn stupid or self-important to make any use of it. It's a pity people gave their lives, wasted them, for the sake of the nation when it's falling apart anyway. The system looks great on paper. So did communism, and the collapse of the Soviet Union gave that a bad name.
For the people, by the people. People are lazy, greedy, arrogant, and so on. That's why no system works as expected. Even with America's system of checks and balances, nothing is foolproof. You just get bigger fools. The government's power comes from the people, but if the public is full of idiots or doesn't want to participate, what's a government to do?
So, live it up, laugh it up, and pretend you're the best in the world while the system deteriorates around you. It'll end someday, not because the system is weak, but because the people who are supposed to be running it are weak. That's you, and that's me.
It seems that around here a person needs a cult following for his views and words to have any kind of validity. Well, sane words and views, at least. I've lost it now and again and have written crazy things, but then so has everyone else, so that shouldn't make much of a difference.
Yes, my words would have some weight to them if I had legions of mindless sheep to follow me around like others have. All a person needs is public support and he can do anything. Public outrage can get a murderer out of jail. It can start revolutions. It can bring about change or keep things from changing, regardless of how much the public actually understands the situation.
Nobody in his right mind would fight public opinion, making me officially out of my mind. I don't know what I hope to accomplish with any of these words. I can't expect to get public support for my opinion that there are things that are terribly wrong in the public. Oh well. Talk is cheap, no matter how much thought is put into it, and that's all I can do; just talk.
I once had a dream in which Satan delivered several pizzas to my house in the middle of the night. I don't know the significance of this, nor do I know of what value this information is to you.
No matter how big you build yourself up to be, there will always be somebody waiting to bring you down. In times of peace, war rages on in the populace. Under a just government, injustice exists. Anarchy exists under the strictest of governments. There are weak links in the strongest of relationships. The strongest of men have moments of weakness. The weakest of men can make a stand. There is doubt mixed in with certainty, though we pretend it isn't there. Light creates shadows even as it illuminates the world. At the same time, few shadows are complete darkness. There are no absolutes. Make a generalization and exceptions appear. Abandon stereotypes and more people will seem to fit the mold. Take control and people rebel. Let people fend for themselves and their ignorance and failures beg for guidance. Opinions change in a heartbeat, battles have turning points, sudden discoveries are made, and unexpected errors lead to disaster. Some people are born to lose, while others have it all. None of them seem to be happy, though some claim to be. People lie, cheat, and steal from honest, honorable, fair people. Bad things happen to good people at least as often as they happen to bad people. A person is both right for defending what he believes in and wrong for believing what he believes in. Such nonsense, all of it, but interesting enough to stick around for.
Most of you fools let your mouths do your thinking for you and then you're surprised at the repercussion. What could possibly be going through people's minds that they don't like you, of all people? You've always been a good Christian, perhaps, you eat healthy foods and take good care of yourself, and you have a wide circle of friends. You're thin, you're popular, you're doing everything right. What's wrong? You're filth. You're only compatible with other thin, healthy, popular people.
What do you think of the devout Buddhist who lives on the corner? Are you a vegetarian who is disgusted at the thought of eating meat? Is the kid sitting by himself under a tree a miserable loser?
Sure, you'd be a model citizen if everyone was like you. Thanks to the media, a lot of people are. We no longer have to waste valuable softball practice time trying to figure out goals in life. Diet, go to school, make lots and lots of friends, and have a wonderful, pure, loving relationship with someone. Anything else is strange, unfamiliar, silly, and wrong. Television has it all figured out. Do you have any idea how incredibly boring and meaningless your pre-manufactured lives look from the outside?
I suppose that as long as you live in a purified society, you'll be fine. Unfortunately, there will always be little abnormalities such as myself. Just keep in mind that from my point of view you all look like abnormalities, too. When you're the minority someday, you're going to have to do more than play the numbers game to prove your point, you weak-minded sheep.
I've been reading some of my older work. What in the name of all reason is the point of calling for any kind of change? Just some nobody on one of those pathetic Geocities pages doesn't like something and he's whining about it. It's time for a new strategy.
People do what people do, and there's no talking them out of it. Someone without shame can't be shamed into changing, someone without rational thoughts can't be reasoned with, and someone with strong enough opinions can't be persuaded to change them.
So, I am officially throwing in the towel, throwing up my hands, and saying, "Enough!" There will be no more writing symphonies to be listened to by a deaf man, or in this case, trying to reason with a mob. I quit.
Instead, I will continue to point out every last fault and weakness I see, but without anymore of those wacky hopes for change or whatever else. However, I'm leaving all of my older work up on the site in case someone else comes across them who has the same feelings as I had. Just because I've moved on doesn't mean I'm going in the "right" direction.
So, to start things off, you're shameful miscreants with absolutely no limitations to your stupidity and self-righteousness. Me? Oh, I never said I was any better. After all, I'm people too, despite some people's best efforts to prove otherwise. Labels come to mind. "Freak!" "Loser!" So you shouldn't be terribly bothered when a freakish loser tells you that middle-class suburban white people are a pitiful mockery of humanity.
People are pathetic: you and I and the man down the street; everyone. You're all worthless, a dime a dozen, easily replaced by anyone you could pick off the street. Anything you or I can do, others can do better. Humanity wouldn't miss just another athlete, another poet, another intellectual, author, musician, scientist, activist, murderer, sadist, programmer, lover, hater, visionary, or revolutionary. Nobody cares if you're lazy or diligent, idiotic or intelligent, popular or insignificant, useful or a fifth wheel, Christian or Satanic, Democratic or Republican, organized or messy, left-handed or right-handed, content or upset, observant or obtuse, everything or nothing, anything in between or any combination of anything else. All our petty troubles mean nothing. Mankind doesn't care if your father beats your mother, if your cousins marry each other, if your siblings are addicted to any number of drugs, if you're miserable and depressed seven ways to Sunday, or if all of you would lie down and die. Your friends who would miss you are equally worthless. Your political and social affiliation don't matter. You will have no shortage of enemies no matter which side you're on. Don't bother to choose your beliefs; nobody cares about your values. Choose your enemies, instead, and choose weak ones. Don't defend your ideals. It isn't worth the energy. Defend your own survival. Show no mercy to anyone or to yourself. Do what you can to enjoy everything that you can with a minimum of fuss. If you can't do what you like, like what you do. Your opinions aren't worth anything to anyone at all but you, and you don't matter either. Change them. If you're in pain, be a masochist. If you're depressed, take some pills. If you're mad at the whole world or any part of it, write poetry, rant, rave, or calmly go through the system for fair change. For everyone who berates you, someone will defend you and someone will be unable to care less, and none of them will have any significance whatsoever. Pro-choice and pro-life, gun control and gun freedom, and every controversy ever known is pointless.
The reason I go on, my friend, is simple: it's fun. I'm watching, laughing, and writing down your mistakes. That's all that matters to me. Though I don't matter, I am all that I have.
I added a link to my featured writing page. It's actually not a new section; it was a part of the old version of my site, lost through time. Anyway, there it is.
The story section is another old, lost section. It's back, with new content. Don't hesitate to comment on either section in the guestbook or e-mail me directly at dread@mailops.com.
Yes, what better way to fight your enemies than to hide behind mockery? There isn't anyone who would go against you. Just have a good time. They're just words and opinions. Nothing to get upset about here. You don't really hate or even dislike anyone. It's all in the name of comedy. It's not cruelty. It's only poking fun at people who take themselves too seriously. Satire, hate mail, pranks, jokes. The targets have nothing to get upset about. If they want you to stop, they're merely trying to silence you. Flip it around. Maybe you all take life too lightly. Tell you what. Next tragedy that comes around, be it war, massacres, plague, or a surge in crime, I don't want to see any of you taking it seriously and trying to make a difference. Not one complaint, not one tear, no whining, no activism, no knee-jerk reactionary legislation. I want you all to laugh it off and think about how it's really not so bad because of how much worse it could be. It's all in perspective. What you can shrug off as nothing at all might be another's downfall. Scratch that. What you can shrug off as nothing at all is another's downfall. Am I taking it all too seriously again? I guess I have to go get myself a few laughs. Care to join me? Click the link. You aren't offended, are you? I'd hate to think you're taking life too seriously.
Okay, so I haven't updated in a while. The biggest change has been the colors, because frankly I got sick of looking at the same old red text on black background. I actually have been writing nearly everyday. I just don't feel quite right about posting these new thoughts here; at least, not yet. It's transition time, basically. I'm not sure of which path to take at the crossroads. Hah. As if any of you about the dilemmas of just another faceless webmaster, another one of those whiny dark kids, with a black-background website. Go to hell. Or Disneyland. Your call.
Never challenge. Never complain. Never question.
No one cares what you think.
Never cry. Never yell. Never fear.
No one cares what you feel.
Accept it. Step aside. Make room.
No one cares what you want.
This is how one escapes unscathed.
That is, to win the game; by these rules. Not a whole lot is left, nor is much gained.
Maybe some lose nothing by paying the price, but others are forced into a personal poverty.
Lose the game, or lose oneself.
Name your poison.
I am officially deeming this a rant, for I had too much to say to properly organize it into a decent essay.
Okay, one more time for those who missed it. One year ago today two young gentlemen mowed down a bunch of their classmates at Columbine High School, and life ever since has been one big pain in the ass. We had a trenchcoat panic for a while, but that has since subsided, leaving only a mere dress code paranoia. Then there are all the debates raging about gun control. What's more, schools want to install metal detectors, post the Ten Commandments, and perform various other wacky antics.
Of course, then we have the finger-pointing. "It's the music! Damn that Marilyn Manson!" "It's the video games! Damn that iD Software!" Show me music that makes people kill and I'll show you the way to the nearest padded room. Show me a game that makes people hate and I'll show you the one-finger salute. Please, get your head out of your ass. It doesn't look very dignified. Excuse my disgust. I just happen to have a grudge against stupidity.
The system went completely insane, and I think it has yet to recover. Schools have taken action against the "Freaks," putting themselves in the same league with the fools who took the gunmen's rage too far. There are many stories of students being suspended and/or expelled for looking "too threatening." Even worse, students take the opportunity to spread rumors to make their targets miserable. How many people in my audience heard about my supposed hitlist? If you want better gun control, find a better reason than thinking it'll make schools better places to be. If you want to promote morals, talk to parents about it, don't rub religion in people's faces.
Oh, but wait. There's more. Let's go back to the schools. I have a good idea of why the Columbine incident happened, and it sure doesn't involve "Mechanical Animals" or Quake. How about intolerance and cruelty? Teachers teach students about science and math and such, and the students teach each other that being different is bad. Students don't need uniforms. They already have them: Tommy Hilfiger, Old Navy, and so forth. Bleached hair, hair with gobs of gel, hair no longer than one inch, shaved heads. Contact lenses, never glasses. Loud and talkative, not quiet and thoughtful. Not everyone, but enough.
Everyone has a limit. The folks at Columbine just didn't know when to quit. So, when America's favorite gunmen snapped like twigs, some innocent people were bound to be taken out. Look at the bright side, as people always tell me whenever I wonder how things could be better. At least the victims weren't anally sodomized before they were gunned down like animals, and at least the bodies weren't desecrated afterwards. At least the bombs didn't go off, killing everyone all at once and sending bits of burned limbs raining down upon the neighborhood. Gee, that was awfully cruel of me, wasn't it? Welcome to my world. Welcome to the Pit. In case you were wondering, I'm pretty sure this is what pushed those two over the edge.
When I complain about this, the response I receive is generally, "Deal with it." I find this strange, because presumably these people don't want to die. And yet, knowing full well that their behavior irritates people, they keep going. Oh well. It's their own lives they're gambling with.
People try to make every 'tragedy' into some kind of milestone. That way, they can look back and say, "See? On that day we learned this, and we've been better people for it ever since." Let me tell you, the Columbine massacre meant nothing. Forget the goths, forget the jocks. Hate knows no bounds. There was no reason for it, there was nothing gained from it, and most disturbingly of all, nothing was learned from it. People are still making the same mistakes, if not even more than before. There's no sense in spending millions of dollars on metal detectors to try and get rid of guns when a wooden club or a second story window will do the job nicely, and when the violence could be prevented in the first place without spending any money at all. A little common decency is all it takes, and it does wonders. I could be decent, too, but I don't give out what I don't expect to get back.
If you were at all offended by this, feel free to express your rage in the guestbook. I'll tear your argument apart shortly. It's been a while since I wrote a really good retort. If you need clarification on any points I've made, feel free to ask in the guestbook. The last thing I need is someone completely misunderstanding any of this and spreading yet more vicious rumors. I might actually be civil in answering a good question.