In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
     The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that
you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
     Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade elevator:
     To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then
     going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
     Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
     Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of
9&11 am daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
     The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox Monastery:
     You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel for skiers:
     Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots
of ascension.

On a menu in a Swiss restaurant:
     Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On a menu of a Polish hotel:
     Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in
 the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in
the country
     people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
     For your convenience we recommend coourteous, effecient self-service.

In a Bangkok cleaners:
     Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Paris dress shop:
     Dresses for street walking.

In a Hong Kong dress shop:
     Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers
 in strict rotation.

From the Soviet weekly:
     There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet
Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two
years.

In an East African newspaper:
     A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have
 thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel:
     In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the porter.

In Germany's Black Forest:
     It is strickly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men & women, live together in one tent
unless they are
     married for that purpose.

An ad by a Hong Kong dentist:
     Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

A Russian chess book:
     A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation
has been played.

In a Rome laundry:
     Ladies, leave your clothes here & spend the afternoon having a good
time.

In a Czech tourist agency:
     Take one of our horse driven tours---we guarantee no miscarriages.

Ad for donkey rides in Thailand:
     Would you like to ride your own ass?

On a faucet in a Finnish restroom:
     To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
     Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin.

On a box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong:
     Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
     Stop---Drive sideways.

Swiss mountain inn:
     Special today--no ice cream.

Bangkok temple:
     It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a
man.

Tokyo bar:
     Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts.

Copenhagen airline ticket office:
     We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Moscow hotel room:
     If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Norwegian cocktail lounge:
     Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

Budapest zoo:
     Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it
 to the guard on duty.

Office of a Roman doctor:
     Specialist in women and other diseases.

Acapulco hotel:
     The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Tokyo shop:
     Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best
in the long run.

Japanese instructions on an air conditioner:
     Cooles & Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.

Car rental brochure in Tokyo:
     When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle
him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
     English well talking;
     Here speeching American.

On the box of a Vietnamese laughing tip-toy:
     Can't invert with laugh
     The laugh begin. you are youthful
     Automatize
     As poke as shaky as shaky as laugh
     During the use. open the lid of top and take two cells (NO. 5) in the
box. If you want to stop laugh or don't use for a long time. you must take
out the cells
     (This seller have no cells)

A sign on the lion cage at a zoo in the Czech Republic:
     No smoothen the lion

A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire:
     If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.

A notice in a Japanese hotel (ca. 1950):
     Please not to steal towels. If you are not person to do such, please
not to read notice.

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