| home | | | our albums | | | member bios | | | endorsements | | | contact us | | | store(coming soon) |
| home | | | our albums | | | member bios | | | endorsements | | | contact us | | | store(coming soon) |
Where the hell do I begin. Frist off, yes, it's a good idea. Put all of the nintendo Mario games on 1 super nintendo cartridge, thus eliminating the need to hook up the now useless nintendo (unless you need it to impress people with your collection of old shit). Great. So, now we have Mario 1, 2, and 3, with slightly sharper graphics. I'm fine with that. Go technology.
Then we have The Lost Levels.
Holy fuck.
Some of you may say, "Grant, what is the problem with the lost levels." When in fact you should be saying "I'm a retard for talking to the computer?" You got 8 nice fucking worlds, plus a bonus one, plus another 4 bonus ones. Spectacular. Granted, the first 2, and a few of the last ones are easy, the rest is a slow descent into madness. I've spent upwards of 45 minutes dying, restarting, dying again, and then restarting, dying, and so on, untill I screw up in a way that actually results in a completion of the level.
I am going to find whoever made this game, walk up to his front door, ring the doorbell, punch him in the face, and his response will be "I get that a lot."
You have to jump backward on to a platform, in order to jump across a lave pit, dodge some sticks of fire, then double jump over a lava pit while avoiding a fire stick, then landing on a quarter inch ledge before jumping off of a turtle in order to land on a pipe that is beneath some bricks. And that's the first 15 seconds. GAHHHHHHHH. There is nothing worse in the world of Mario, than having to jump off of a turtle in order to do something necessary to beat the game, and so what do they do? They put it 3 of them in EVERY GODDAMM LEVEL! Now you are saying, "Well, you should be petty good at it then, huh?" FUCK YOU. Fuck every one of you! You don't understand, because you are to busy with your $200 game systems, while I'm lucky to be playing a SNES that I bought for $15! It's all good though, cuz one day, you'll be playing your FFXVI and you'll be at a part that you get frustrated with, and can't do, and then you'll start to go crazy, and then I'll be the victor, since now you understand the pain, especially after I sneak up behind you and smash in your skull with a bat.
Anyways. I gotta go. I'm still on 8-4. It's going on a good 2 hours now. Crazy shit man. Which reminds me. Fuck Mario. Fuck him in his stupid ass. And Fuck Emo too, since I'm in the string of obscenities. Crap boobs crap.
-Grant