Be nice to your kids.  They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
If a man is talking in the woods and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread ?
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Help Wanted: Telepath.  You know where to apply.
Look out for #1.  Don't step in #2 either.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Car service:  If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Department of Redundancy Department
Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
What has four legs and an arm?  A happy pit bull.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
Buy a Pentium 200MMX so you can reboot faster.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs.  It just develops random features.
C:\WINDOWS    C:\WINDOWS\GO     C:\PC\CRAWL    C:\DOS    C:\DOS\RUN    RUN\DOS\RUN
<-------- The information went data way -------->
Best file compression around:  "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
All computers wait at the same speed.
Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...