AQUARIUS
(Jan 20-Feb 18)You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.You lie a great deal. On the other hand,you are inclined to be careless and impractical,causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly.Everyone thinks thinks you are a fucking jerk.
PISCES
(Feb 19-March 20)You have a vivid imagination and often think you are followed by the CIA or FBI.You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power.You lack confidence and generally are a coward.Pisces people screw small animals and pick their noses.
ARIES
(March 21-April 19) You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.You are quick-tempered,impatient,and scornful of advice. you are a prick.
TAURUS
(Apr.20-May 19) You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. you are nothing but a goddamned communist.
GEMINI
(May 21-June 20) You are quick and intelligent and a thinker.People like you because you are bisexual. However,you are inclined to expect yoo much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on adultery.
CANCER
(Jun. 21-Jul.22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit.
LEO
(Jul. 23-Aug. 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.
VIRGO
(Aug 23-Sep. 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder.This shit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and dysfunctional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA
(Sep.23-Oct. 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male,you are probably queer .Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All libras die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO
(Oct.23-Nov.11) You are schrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch.Most scorpios are murderers.
SAGITTARIUS
(Nov.22-dec.21) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent.The vast majority of sagittarians are drunks and potheads. people laugh at you a lot because you are always getting fucked.
CAPRICORN
(Dec.22-Jan. 19) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.You are basically chickenshit.There has never been a capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
