Comical Truths?


Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their
diets.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but
eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put
them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman
gain five pounds.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Every time I think about exercise, I lie down til the thought goes away.

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I
am so far behind, I will live forever.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask
you the questions.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the
right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what
I'm doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
body and your fat are really good friends.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you
stop laughing.

I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.

WOMEN: Remember, as we get older we no longer have hot flashes. We now
have
power surges.

Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it
shrinks two sizes.

It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your
hips.

Age is important only if you're a cheese.

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is
expecting a baby.

Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can
usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards??

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
apopular?