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MY NUDIST BACKGROUND

Some memories are choppy, but I'll be as detailed as I can.  [Originally written around October 2000.]

I come from a textile family.  Both my parents were raised as strict textiles, and their parents before them.  That, plus a strongly religious mother, resulted in my being raised as a textile, and a hysterically modest one at that.  [crowd echoes, "How modest were you?"...]

When going with my grade school class to swimming lessons, I would keep my underwear on when changing into my swim shorts.  Then afterwards, I'd keep my wet underwear on as I put my dry clothes back on to wear back to school and home.  All this was to never expose my nakedness to the others (who all freely removed their shorts and undies with no apparent hesitation).  Wearing wet underwear was very uncomfortable, but I never even considered bringing a change of underwear, or taking them off to swim..

I continued to wear underwear under swimming shorts for years, up until I was in my late teens.  There was a constant paranoia of somehow my swim shorts being ripped away from me, exposing my nakedness and embarrassing me if I wasn't wearing the undies.  There was always a wonderful relief when finally removing the wet shorts and underwear, yet the textile mindset prevented me from ever seeing the connection that no underwear (and no shorts) equals more comfortable swimming and dry-time.  I still get that great relief to finally remove wet shorts, at those times where I have to wear shorts to swim.  If only the general public would see how pointless swimwear truly is!

And I already told the story [in the Netnude forum] about the time I had the chance to skinnydip at my relatives' house, but declined the opportunity.  [Alright, real quick:  I have relatives who have a pool.  One summer day when I was around 10 or 12 we were there swimming.  All us kids were still swimming when it started to get dark, and the adults were in the house talking.  My cousin asked his parents (it's their house and pool) if we could skinnydip.  They all said that's fine, so my cousins stripped off and swam nude.  Because of our anti-nudity upbringing (brainwashing?), my brother and I kept our swim shorts on.  I don't know if it was fear or embarrassment, but the light was so low nothing could really be seen anyway.  I wish we, or even just I, would have taken that chance.]

Backing up before this (and maybe at the same time; I forget), my best friend would come over all the time....and I mean ALL the time.  He lived at our house more time than at his own.  Anyway, we (my brother and I) had a sand pile in the back yard.  My friend and my brother and I would dig holes, use the garden hose to make miniature streams and lakes, and even a few times we made a mud pit just to get sloppy.  After playing in the mud (in our underwear, by the way), we'd hose off, run in the house, and all hop in the shower.  We also showered together many other times, but this was before the modesty really set in.

Breezing through the rest of grade school and high school, my modesty and embarrassment of nudity continued to grow.  The few times that showering after phys-ed classes was threatened to be a requirement was always a terrifying idea, because I would have no choice but to be naked with the others and have to listen to more of their taunts (I heard enough of those while clothed).  Fortunately for me (at the time) the required showering proposals never came to be, and I was spared a lot of torment (school children can be terribly cruel).  Right now, I think it would be a good idea to require showering after P.E.  classes, beginning with the youngest grades so they can get used to being nude with each other before the strongest textile attitudes get a chance to set in.  By getting used to each other and accepting others for all their differences would prevent so much other torment and childish cruelty.

Here's a late addition that I didn't remember when I first wrote this story.  I forgot what great lengths I went to in order to assure my privacy, especially when I was at my lowest.  When I'd go into the bathroom to take a shower, I would spend several minutes arranging the curtain so not a single hole of visibility showed through.  Even at an angle where somebody would have to been in the top of the tree outside with binoculars to see me naked, I'd cover over those holes too.  The most ridiculous behavior I practiced was covering over each and every facial picture in every magazine and newspaper in our bathroom before I could use the toilet or get undressed for a shower.  I was afraid and embarrassed to be seen by pictures! How's that for a "healthy mental attitude"?

The idea of nudist camps (or nudist colonies, in my mind at the time) was a source of titillation and sexual curiosity, as was the thought of being seen or caught in the nude.  [Is it that obvious I was in my puberty years?]  I experimented with sleeping nude--or that is, with pajama bottoms around my ankles and pajama top unbuttoned.  I still had the terrible fear of somebody coming in and finding me like that.  If I remember right, the first night I slept completely nude, I hardly got a wink of sleep.  Anyway, despite the fear of reprisal should I be caught, I knew it was comfortable when I was nude, and part of me wanted to get used to being nude and being seen nude.  The problem was un-programming everything that had been driven into my brain over the years.

The first step I decided to do was expose myself to another set of eyes.  You may laugh, but I chose my cat.  The room was totally dark and she was sleeping, most likely even facing the other direction.  But I slowly worked up the courage to slide back the covering over me (it was an old shawl, and I was nude underneath).  It was both terrifying and exhilarating, and ridiculous as it may seem, it was a huge step for me.  I have to laugh at myself about it now, but I remember very clearly what was going through my mind and why I had to approach it like that.

The next thing I needed to do was get used to the possibility of being seen nude by human eyes.  That included being nude in the vicinity of or in front of my bedroom window, despite the very low odds of actually being seen and recognized as nude.  I won't go into all the little variables that made the odds lower and lower.  I wasn't intending to be an exhibitionist, mind you; this was just another step towards being comfortable with my body and comfortable with being seen nude.

I forget what circumstances led up to my being nude out on the roof (the front porch roof is right outside my bedroom window, and I can get up on the main roof from there).  Over time I went from racing back in the window every time I heard a car approaching to staying up there and not caring about cars (remember, this is at nighttime).

When it came to being nude out in the yard, I think the first time was in the front yard and street.  I VERY carefully checked for silhouettes of nighttime walkers and joggers in the light of the corner streetlights, and checked again.  I listened very carefully for approaching cars too.  I removed my shirt and hung it on a tree, then went back to the street to check for anybody approaching again.  When it looked all clear, I went back to the tree and nervously removed my shorts to hang up with the shirt (I think I left my undies in the house, for convenience).  Then I even more nervously stepped out into the street.

Talk about exhilarating!  It felt like a flood of relief washing over and through my body.  I've never felt anything like it before or since.  I know it was all a psychological feeling, but an incredible feeling none the less.  I was finally standing nude, out in the middle of my street!  [I don't remember my exact age at the time; I'd estimate 15] I also don't remember how long I stayed like that, but I don't think it was for long.  This began much time and many years spent nude outdoors.  I think I could say that by this point, nudity was no longer a source of sexual excitement and titillation, but a great and developing way of life for me.  [To clarify on that flood of relief, I mean I literally, physically felt a sensation of something--relief, relaxation, exhilaration, whatever--flow from my head down to my toes.  Very mysterious, this human body.]

Skipping ahead a little bit, I started sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night for the sole purpose of going around the yard nude.  About the most memorable of the early experiences with this was one night when it was quite warm and I think breezy outside.  I went out [I'd guess] around 1 AM and walked around enjoying the breezy night air until about 4:30.  That was another huge first, of being nude outdoors for over 3 hours!  At this time I was keeping my clothes inside a cooler (to keep them clean and bug-free), which was placed behind our large pile of lumber; sometimes I kept them in the mailbox.  Over time (a year or so) I began walking short, then longer, distances down the road; in the beginning I always had at least my shorts with me when walking away from the yard.  During these times I began walking nude (still at night) on the trails in the woods behind my house.  I had clothes with me, but not for as long as when I was walking down the road; I fairly quickly began leaving them in the yard somewhere.  At first, I would run and hide behind something far away from the road when a car was approaching.  Over time, I became more at ease with things and no longer make much effort to get out of view or get away from the road.  I came to realize that it was pointless to hide because of such low odds of somebody a) seeing me, and b) realizing I am nude.  Continue to remember that I don't do that out of exhibitionism; it's because it is so unlikely that somebody will see me and be offended.

I almost forgot to mention that somewhere during this time I began going nude more and more around the house (when I was alone).  My brother still lived at home at the time too.  Looking back, I wish I'd told him early on about how great it feels to go nude outdoors.  I'm sure he'd enjoy it as much as I do.  Oh well...in due time.

I'm not sure what finally inspired me, but I eventually began trying outdoor nudity during the daytime.  I began by wearing only a T-shirt and "exposing myself to the hundreds of prying eyes filling the woods around the yard".  I'd check the perimeter of the yard thoroughly before removing any clothing, but I was still fighting the fear of the textile that was with me for so many years before.  This exposure from under a shirt was another one of those silly-yet-important stepping stones for me.  Eventually I worked up the courage to remove ALL of my clothes.  I think I hung them over the clothesline; I forget.  One thing I did to help ease my mind, and also to "justify my nudity to the hundreds of people littering the woods around my yard", was to throw either water balloons or a frisbee up in the air and chase after, getting soaked in the case of the balloons.  This is how I very nearly ran nude through raspberry briars, which I mentioned in one of the other message boards of Netnude.

Another incredibly exhilarating time I spent was running around during a VERY heavy rain.  It was a warm day and a warm rain, and I was slipping and slopping in the wet grass and mud.  I never felt so alive!  This was also the first time I left my clothes inside the house while being nude outdoors during the daytime.  I left the back door (actually a side door) propped open so I could run out and back in with some cover from the street.  And my mother wondered why the inside of the door was wet when she got home!  I haven't enjoyed a rainy day nearly that much since then.  [Later note:  I have enjoyed being nude in the rain since then; look for another story section of mine, called Rain Running.]

As far as sleeping nude, I did that off and on over the years.  My brother eventually moved out, and I felt safer to be nude in my own room.  As of about May of 2000, it's been 5 years since I've worn anything to sleep [except for sleeping downstairs on the couch when I can't get to sleep, or when staying at somebody else's house].  Last summer (July 1999) when it was so hot, I did sleep nude on the couch, knowingly to everybody, mainly because my feet got tangled up in my shorts and I couldn't get them back on in time.  So I acted like I was just taking them off to sleep nude "because it's so hot".  When sleeping on the couch, I've been sleeping nude more often this year; however, I always have my shorts handy because of my parents' unpredictable sleeping patterns.  I would like my nudism to be known but not at the risk of shocking anybody.

A few years back (I've lost track), I decided I just had to try skinnydipping.  I figured that the best place was a lake a few miles away.  Since I like to ride my bike at night for lighter traffic, it wasn't out of the way to go there.  On the west side of the lake is state land and a boat launch.  I rode back there at dusk on a Thursday night, and the place was deserted and very peaceful.  The water also felt pretty warm.  The next night I went back there after dark, and the place was crawling with high schoolers looking for a place to party.  I wanted nothing to do with a kegger, so on a spur of the moment decision, I decided to go to the park across the lake.

I very slowly, cautiously, and quietly entered the park; of course, my paranoia was telling me that there were motion detectors and cameras everywhere as well as other visitors.  I knew the first two wouldn't be true because the local wildlife would be setting it off all the time.  The third, though, could very well be true (which I'll get to later).  When I got to the beach house and parking lot, I looked and listened as carefully as I could (I wasn't supposed to be there, remember).  The sounds of refrigeration and A/C units in the restroom/concessions building scared the crap out of me a few times.  I scanned the hill and beach for silhouettes, and it looked clear.  Down I went, where I found some trees to park my bike and strip next to.  There's that exhilarating feeling again!  The first time I entered the water, I went no more than knee-deep and thought the water was too cold, so got out and left fairly soon.  Also, the headlights and loud music (and hooting and hollering) from across the lake was spoiling the atmosphere.

The next time I went there, I got into the water neck deep and was able to really feel and enjoy the water flowing over my entire body, something I had never felt before.  This time, however, I got a bit of a scare when headlights came on from across the lake (at the boat launch).  My paranoid mind told me that I was showing up clear as day, probably in somebody's binoculars.  My uneasiness forced me to leave sooner than I wanted.

One very memorable time was around the 4th of July (I know I've told this story before).  We had just gotten home from my relatives' house (the ones with the pool), and after so much swimming with tight shorts, I really needed a skinnydip.  I left on my bike right away and took a different route to the park.  I got there and enjoyed a very relaxing nude swim by moonlight.  I decided to leave my clothes off as I rode back to the entrance to the park (I may have done this before, I don't remember).  On the way back (full moon in the sky, remember), I thought I saw something standing vertically and silhouetted by the area light at the park gate.  It didn't really look like a human form, and may have been one of the many signs along the drive.  As I got closer I realized that it wasn't one, but two people walking into the park!  I knew that if I could see them with the glare of the light and the moon, they surely could see me.  It would look quite suspicious, and be rather pointless, if I turned around suddenly and hid.  Instead, I just thought to myself, "What the hell!" and rode past them, my nude body spotlighted by the moon.  Not a word was spoken by anybody, and I continued to the gate where I dressed and went home.  Looking back, it seems unlikely that they knew for sure that I was nude, let alone see the definitive proof.

Over the years (and I plan to continue this year), I have visited the park for skinnydipping many times.  It's incredibly relaxing and the ambiance is incredible, especially when the moon is up (perfect place to bring someone special!).  Last summer [1999] when it was so hot during June and July (especially July), I had some very wonderful swims.  The water temperature, literally, was warmer than the air.  It was like stepping into a bathtub.  One night I was treated to a lightning show from a distant storm, with the full moon overhead glistening in the water.  Several nights I spent a great deal more time there, walking around the park totally nude, enjoying the warm breezes blowing off the water.  It was truly magical.....exhilarating feeling again!  Last summer I also rode stretches of the route home while nude.  First it was small legs of it, until I went pretty much the full distance from the park to my driveway (about 4.4 miles if I remember right) while nude.  The details of those nights and nude riding home would take up several more paragraphs here....

I forgot another detail, regarding at home.  I got my own internet service last summer, and was able to be NIFOC more and more.  I also was able to get into some naturist chat rooms.

After all those great nights, plus nude sunbathing in the back yard, day and night trail-walking (another story for another time), and being nude in the house (still when by myself), I was feeling completely comfortable with my body and being nude.  I had been thinking about visiting a nude beach for a few years so far, and with the help of people in naturist chats, I decided it was time for a visit.  I talked in chat with Rick from the Southeast Michigan Naturists.  He told me and others about a group trip to Turtle Lake Resort, about 30 miles from me.  After some thinking about it and some e-mails to ask questions, I made up my mind to go.  I met Rick at the door, got registered, and followed him in to park my car.  After he gave me a tour of the grounds, we got back to where I had parked, and it was time for me to step into social nudism.

I followed Rick to the clubhouse (is that what it's called?), meeting a few of his friends along the way.  After being directed to the locker room, I found a locker, removed my shoes, and ditched the clothes!  I was correct; I had absolutely no feelings of embarrassment, and actually felt more comfortable and relaxed than when I was still wearing my clothes!  A quick shower and short walk out, and I was in the pool.  The first thing I did was join Rick and some others for some volleyball (which I hadn't played since it was required in high school).  After the game ended, I went outside for some sun and some reading (it takes me a while to warm up to conversation; just the way I've always been).  When it clouded over more and started to feel chilly, I went back inside and had lunch.  After that, I went for a soak in the hot tub, then a float in the pool.  While floating around, I was pondering everything I had experienced and was experiencing:  I brought myself from being terribly modest about nudity to being a visitor at a nudist resort.  I was also looking around, really seeing everybody for the first time:  there were all ages from young to old, all sizes and shapes of bodies, singles, couples, families with kids, and it all looked so very natural, so normal, so right.  These people were no different from me; we were all the same.

Anyway, after a while Rick found me and invited me on a walking tour of the grounds.  We talked about how I was liking it (you can safely bet I said "it's great"!) and other things.  We got back to the swimming pond after a while, and I gave that a try (cold!).  Some sun and conversation on the raft soon warmed me up, and I met a couple other people I knew from Netnude chat.  Later, I went inside and tried nude billiards at the pool table; it's SOOO much better than the textile version!  That ran out my time to stay there, and I had to head for home.  I showered quickly and grabbed my backpack to head for the car.  I went over to thank Rick for the great day and say bye to everybody.  He introduced me to two more people from the group (more on that in a minute), and I went back to my car to [grudgingly] get dressed.  A group of the people I met that day all waved bye from the beach, and I waved back and drove off.  (All the great people, and how welcome they made me feel, really contributed to my feeling so comfortable and relaxed.  Thanks Rick and everybody!) That trip proved the two statements of 1) forgetting you're nude, and 2) not wanting to get dressed when it's time to leave.

Back to that last couple I met before leaving.  One of them was a woman, really very lovely.  It didn't even occur to me UNTIL THE NEXT DAY that I was standing nude in front of a woman who was also nude, and I was totally at ease.  I had gotten so used to it that it never even registered in my mind that any of us were nude.  Does that sound like the stereotypical single male at the nudist resort?  I think not.  [Note here about that last comment:  this story was originally written as a response regarding single males who visit nudist resorts, and the negative attitudes so often associated towards them.]

Over the next few weeks I had two more visits:  one to Sunshine Gardens, and a second visit to Turtle lake.  The one to Sunshine Gardens was just me, entirely on my own.  There were very few other people there, being a weekday.  The one to TLR just happened to fall on the day of the motorcycle rally (great fun!), and I was again with Rick and the SMN group.  I won't go into extensive details on those visits for space-saving.

A few additional last points.  Over the years I began wearing underwear less and less, at first with just shorts and sweatpants, but last November ('99) I went entirely underwear-free, to include jeans and slacks.  I also drove my car twice in the nude, both at night when returning from my brother's house (this was fall of '99).  It was very comfortable, and quite relaxing.  I also flew a plane (rental) down to Ohio and back while nude (day flight).  I removed the shorts and shirt just before takeoff and put them back on just after landing.  That was also much more comfortable and relaxing than if I had been wearing them during the entire flight.  A late-breaking memory is that I also enjoyed a nude night flight.  I have always found night flights to be very enjoyable and relaxing, and it's twice as nice when not bound up in tight clothes.  Lately, I've been trying to figure out how to introduce the subject of my nudism to my family.  While I'd like to be able to go nude around the house where and when I like, I also don't want to make them uncomfortable and want to avoid very pointless jokes and smart-ass remarks.

Another late addition:  in the spring of 2000, I had a long cross-country flight as required by the FAA in my training.  I flew from the airport in Battle Creek, MI, up to Sault Ste. Marie, MI.  It was a pain that school rules didn't allow me to wear shorts to fly, but despite that, I still flew most of that flight while nude and comfortable.  I undressed shortly after takeoff, flew all the way up there, then put on my pants shortly before landing (shirt after landing).  I saw it was OK for me to undress at the end of the runway before takeoff, which I did.  At the next airport in Houghton Lake, MI, I overflew it and saw I could easily dress and undress after landing and before takeoff (all inside the plane, I might add).  My concern about all this trouble was the "what if" of them looking out at me with binoculars, as is so common at airports, and getting weird looks or annoying questions in the terminal.  I finally got back to my home base airport, dressing before landing (there's no good place to dress after landing).  While a flight of this length gets uncomfortable and hard on the legs no matter what, it was made FAR more comfortable by not having to be bound up in tight clothes for the duration of the trip.  I've come to the decision that any chance I get, I'm going to fly nude simply for the comfort and relaxation of it.

So in summary, I skinnydip, go nude around the yard, sleep nude, and have visited naturist resorts on three occasions so far.  I plan to do more this year.  Not too bad for somebody who couldn't take off his undies in swimming class, huh?