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(formerly Wasted)

 Jump over to http://www.eff.org/pub/Net_culture/Folklore/Humor/ for more jokes
like the ones below.
FOR
IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact:
Sarah Charf
Microsoft Corporation
(206) 882-8080
Microsoft Clarifies Trademark Policies
REDMOND, Washington--January 4, 1995--In response to
customer inquiries, Microsoft today clarified the naming
policy for Bob(tm), its new
software product designed for computer beginners.
Contrary to rumors, Microsoft will not demand that all
persons formerly named "Bob" immediately select
new first names.
"I don't know where these rumors come from,"
commented Steve Balmer, Microsoft Executive Vice
President for Worldwide Sales and Support. "It's
ridiculous to think Microsoft would force people outside
the computer industry to change their names. We won't,
and our licensing policies for people within the industry
will be so reasonable that the Justice Department could
never question them."
Balmer said employees of other computer companies will
be given the opportunity to select new names, and will
also be offered a licensing option allowing them to
continue using their former names at very low cost.
The new licensing program, called Microsoft
TrueName(tm), offers persons who want to continue being
known by the name Bob the option of doing so, with the
payment of a small monthly licensing fee and upon signing
a release form promising never to use OpenDoc. As an
added bonus, Bob name licensees will also be authorized
to display the Windows 95 logo on their bodies.
Persons choosing not to license the Bob name will be
given a 60-day grace period during which they can select
another related name. "We're being very lenient in
our enforcement of the Bob trademark," said Bill
Newkom, Microsoft's Senior Vice President of Law and
Corporate Affairs. "People are still free to call
themselves Robert, Robby, or even Rob. Bobby however is
derivative of Microsoft's trademark and obviously can't
be allowed."
Microsoft also announced today that Bob(tm)
Harbold, its Executive Vice President and Chief Operating
Officer, has become the first Microsoft TrueName licensee
and will have the Windows 95 logo tattooed to his
forehead.

OS
Messages...
Cannot
find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
C:\DOS
C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
BREAKFAST.COM halted .... cereal port not detected.
Why
doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or
filename!"
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
Shell
to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Smash
forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Enter
any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII
stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

Newsgroup
Insult Kit
Combine one word from each of the three columns below,
prefaced with "You":
Column 1 |
Column 2 |
Column 3 |
artless |
base-court |
apple-john |
bawdy |
bat-fowling |
baggage |
beslubbering |
beef-witted |
barnacle |
bootless |
beetle-headed |
bladder |
churlish |
boil-brained |
boar-pig |
cockered |
clapper-clawed |
bugbear |
clouted |
clay-brained |
bum-bailey |
craven |
common-kissing |
canker-blossom |
currish |
crook-pated |
clack-dish |
dankish |
dismal-dreaming |
clotpole |
dissembling |
dizzy-eyed |
coxcomb |
droning |
doghearted |
codpiece |
errant |
dread-bolted |
death-token |
fawning |
earth-vexing |
dewberry |
fobbing |
elf-skinned |
flap-dragon |
froward |
fat-kidneyed |
flax-wench |
frothy |
fen-sucked |
flirt-gill |
gleeking |
flap-mouthed |
foot-licker |
goatish |
fly-bitten |
fustilarian |
gorbellied |
folly-fallen |
giglet |
impertinent |
fool-born |
gudgeon |
infectious |
full-gorged |
haggard |
jarring |
guts-griping |
harpy |
loggerheaded |
half-faced |
hedge-pig |
lumpish |
hasty-witted |
horn-beast |
mammering |
hedge-born |
hugger-mugger |
mangled |
hell-hated |
joithead |
mewling |
idle-headed |
lewdster |
paunchy |
ill-breeding |
lout |
pribbling |
ill-nurtured |
maggot-pie |
puking |
knotty-pated |
malt-worm |
puny |
milk-livered |
mammet |
qualling |
motley-minded |
measle |
rank |
onion-eyed |
minnow |
reeky |
plume-plucked |
miscreant |
roguish |
pottle-deep |
moldwarp |
ruttish |
pox-marked |
mumble-news |
saucy |
reeling-ripe |
nut-hook |
spleeny |
rough-hewn |
pigeon-egg |
spongy |
rude-growing |
pignut |
surly |
rump-fed |
puttock |
tottering |
shard-borne |
pumpion |
unmuzzled |
sheep-biting |
ratsbane |
vain |
spur-galled |
scut |
venomed |
swag-bellied |
skainsmate |
villainous |
tardy-gaited |
strumpet |
warped |
tickle-brained |
varlot |
wayward |
toad-spotted |
vassal |
weedy |
unchin-snouted |
whey-face |
yeasty |
weather-bitten |
wagtail |

"Body
by Fisher brains by Mattel"

After Garfield...
MWM needs cartoonists for a number
of future projects. If you would like to join our
team, send us a sample of your work.
Our e-mail is mwm@mcenter.com.
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E&OE


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