Ignatius' early life was full of excitement, fun and friends. He was a courtier, a conquistador, a musketeer. His secretary-biographer wrote: "Though he was attached to his faith, he lived no way in conformity with it and did not avoid sin. Rather, he was much addicted to gambling and dissolute in his dealings with women, contentious and keen about using his sword." It was only after being seriously injured at the Battle of Pamplona did he being to change his ways.
It was during the long months of recovery from his near-fatal injury that he experienced a true conversion. "When one is lying alone for months in a sickbed, the silence begins to scream..." Alone, with much time to do little else but read, and think, he began to look back over his prior life and examine it, especially in light of the new vision presented by the two books he read, The Life of Christ and The Lives of the Saints. It was during this time he experienced his first retreat, "he was meditating for the first time on eternal truths" and really began to see the truth.
II. What is the Meaning of the Story: Loneliness is something to be embraced and valued.
Zanzig points out to us the the false assumption in our society that loneliness is bad in itself and should be avoided at all costs. Instead he suggests there is a real value in loneliness, not just as a sign of our uniqueness but can be a great learning experience. He suggests that "in that some of the great lessons in life, in fact, can only be learned in pain, in tears, or in loneliness." At first Ignatius tried to escape from the loneliness by the mind-numbing leisure of his day: adventure novels. Would Ignatius have undergone the kind of change, conversion he did without experiencing such loneliness?
III. What Is This Saying to Me Here and Now:
I need to be alone at times.
This reminds me of the need for time alone. Whether it be at Mass or walking in the woods, a visit to the chapel or time before I fall asleep, I need to make time to be alone and think and reflect upon my life as it is happening. I might even need a formal retreat every year to really get away and be alone with myself, far from the distractions of daily life and closer to getting in touch with who I am, what I am doing and God's will for me.
I know that when I have done this in the past I do benefit from it. My perspective is changed, and I tend to be more open and caring and considerate. If it1s been a tough day at football practice or in class and I find myself getting upset or feeling hurt, taking some alone, to calm down, to think about what Jesus would want me to do and to feel, always helps me to feel better and figure out what I should do.
This happened the other day at football practice. Some things happened and I felt very frustrated and angry. So toward the end of practice I just went off by myself, sat down and thought: "What am I really doing and what should I do, what should I feel?" I thought to myself, "Jesus, what would you have me do?" I came back to practice the next day very different. I know it helped me and I think it helped the team.
(Note: I did not double or 1 1/2 space so I could get all one one side.)
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