Genus "nocturnus-delusionus-fabricationus"
"Be very afraid"
(back)
You may laugh at the very idea of Oak trees migrating. You may shake your head in disbelief at the very concept of them being nocturnal creatures.
But I have enough junk science evidence that even Al Gore would be convinced that Oak trees are nocturnal creatures and in fact migrate.
With an open mind, I believe your own experiences will convince you that these creatures of the night do exist.
"Be very very afraid"
The first piece of evidence I offer that these creatures of the night exist is an experience that most of you have had, but have dismissed as a delusion of the six-pack of your favorite adult beverage that you just finished off.
How many times have you left your tent in the morning and realized that the camp area just doesn't look the same as it did the previous night. Your tent is not pitched nearly as far from the snorer in the group as you believed. That big Oak tree with the dead branches is now menacingly close to your tent. A tree that wasn't even in the campsite last night when you drove in has wrapped your front bumper around itself.
"Be very very very afraid"
Or consider these occurrences. It's late at night, you're driving up a trail that you know well and suddenly there in front of you is a Nocturnal Migrating Oak Tree. You brake, but to no avail and you collide with this most foul demon of the night. When you regain consciousness proof exists that not only is the Oak tree capable of motion, but is surprisingly quick and strong, as not only has it suffered very little damage, but it has dragged your vehicle off to the side of the road.
"Be very very very very afraid"
I am not proposing that all Oak trees migrate or are evil. I personally know of some very nice domesticated Oak trees. But is it worth the risk that even some are. Can you imagine the damage that a 100-foot tall Oak tree bent on suicide could do to you if it decided to leap out of the ground and fall directly on your tent.
"Be very very very very very afraid"
As a precaution against the unwarranted attacks by the demon hordes of Nocturnal Migrating Oak Trees that exist in nearly every campsite. I suggest that you be prepared to defend yourself at all costs, and sleep with a loaded chain saw under your pillow.
"Be very very very very very very afraid"
To those of you who disbelieve in junk science and refuse to accept my conclusions, your own experiences, and the proceeding evidence as fact. Rest assured that as sure as El Nino will kill everyone in California, it won't be long before the Nocturnal Migrating Oak Trees pay a visit to your campsite.
"Be very very very very very very very afraid"
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