A gynaecologist decides he has had enough of his profession so decides to train as a motor mechanic. He completes the course and, when his exam results arrive, is amazed to get 150%.
He phones the examiner who explains:
We gave you 50% for dissembling the gearbox and putting it back together again.
We gave you 50% for dissembling the motor and putting it back together again.
We gave you a bonus 50% for doing the whole job thru the exhaust pipe.
A rabbit goes to a takeaway bar and asks for a cheese toasted sandwich.
He eats that then orders a ham toasted sandwich. He eats that and orders a baked beans toasted sandwich. He then keels over and die.
When he gets to heaven, St. Peter asks him what he died of, to which he replies "mixing my toasties".
Thought for the day:
If a man is in a forest, so deep in the forest that when he speaks, no woman can hear him, is he still wrong?
The big brown bear from Boston went into the bar and said to the barman, "I'm the big brown bear from Boston and I'd like a beer". The barman said, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you". The bear said, "why not?" The barman said, "because you're the big brown bear from Boston", so the bear biffed the barman.
He then went to the barmaid and said, "I'm the big brown bear from Boston and I'd like a beer". She replied "I'm sorry, I can't serve you". The bear said, "why not?" The barmaid said, "because you're the big brown bear from Boston who biffed the barman", so he bopped the barmaid, bashed the bystanders and walked over to the bar and took a big bite out of it.
He then went over to the bar manager and said, "I'm the big brown bear from Boston and I'd like a beer". The bar manager replied "I'm sorry, I can't serve you". The bear said, "why not?" The bar manager said, "because you're the big brown bear from Boston who biffed the barman, bopped the barmaid, bashed the bystanders and you're on drugs".
The bear said, "what do you mean......I'm not on drugs!!!"
The bar manager replied, "what about that bar bit you ate (barbituate)".