Court Room Jokes -- Excerpted From Real Life 

Q:   What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A:   Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Q:   This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at 
     all?
A:   Yes.
Q:   And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A:   I forget.
Q:   You forget. Can you give us an example of something 
     that you've forgotten?

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Q:   How old is your son, the one living with you?
A:   Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q:   How long has he lived with you?
A:   Forty-five years.

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Q:   Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in 
     voodoo or the occult?
A:   We both do.
Q:   Voodoo?
A:   We do.
Q:   You do?
A:   Yes, voodoo.

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Q:   Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in 
     his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next 
     morning?

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Q:   Were you present when your picture was taken?

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Q:   So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A:   Yes.
Q:   And what were you doing at that time?

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Q:   She had three children, right?
A:   Yes.
Q:   How many were boys?
A:   None.
Q:   Were there any girls?

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Q:   How was your first marriage terminated?
A:   By death.
Q:   And by whose death was it terminated?

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Q:   Can you describe the individual?
A:   He was about  medium height and had a beard.
Q:   Was this a male, or a  female?

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Q:   All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did 
     you go to?
A:   Oral.

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Q:   Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

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Q:   Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check  
     for a pulse?
A:   No.
Q:   Did you check for blood pressure?
A:   No.
Q:   Did you check for breathing?
A:   No.
Q:   So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when 
     you began the autopsy?
A:   No.
Q:   How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A:   Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q:   But could the patient have still been alive, never the 
     less?
A:   Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
     talking to me right now.
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