You may wonder just what do I know about being homeless. Well, I know what being homeless is like from personal experience. I spent 4 years of my life from ages 13 to 18 living on the streets of Seattle. I care about the homeless and the way our society treats them because I have been there and I know how hard it is.
It is easy to sit in a warm home with a full stomach and not give much thought to those who have no home. This is how most people live. There are those who do genuinely care and do what they can to help, such as volunteer at a shelter, but most of them still do not know exactly what a person goes through when they are homeless.
It is my goal to educate as many people as I possibly can because it is desperately needed. Sometimes I think that progress is being made and then I will hear a remark from someone in my family or at church (usually something like "Homeless people want to live that way!" or "They could get a job if they really wanted to! They look perfectly strong and healthy to me!") and I will feel like it's almost hopeless to change these ignorant attitudes. I know they don't mean to be cruel, but that is what it amounts to. It is painful for me to hear those who are already suffering enough being judged so harshly.

So, you may be wondering how a white female from a middle class family ends up living on the streets at the age of 13. Perhaps I was a juvenile delinquent, you may think. A rebellious teen who ran away from the rules my parents imposed, addicted to drugs maybe. How I ended up homeless is a very long story that begins before I was even born. Alot of it has to do with the very long history of mental illness that runs on both sides of my family.
The home I grew up in was abusive, both physically and mentally (as well as sexually) and I was born with a disease known as schizophrenia. I began drinking alcohol at a very young age as I had alcoholic relatives who thought it was entertaining to see a little child drunk.
I remember my grandfather giving me 3 full sized margaritas at the age of 8 and I was so drunk I ended up falling and breaking my wrist. My father punished me for being so clumsy and didn't take me to the doctor's for 2 days because he didn't believe I was seriously injured. When my parents divorced at age 10, my mother left taking my younger sister with her. Life with my father was very difficult and my disease started rearing its ugly head(I go more into my depression and suicide attempts in the mental health section of this web site).
My father had his own depression problems and often threatened to kill himself, once in front of me with hispistol in his mouth. My mood swings were out of control and I was going rapidly from depression to mania every day. I was irrational and I thought crazy. I would hear voices and I would behave in ways I didn't understand. I wanted help, but no one seemed to notice. I would take a thermos full of vodka to school and drink it in front of teachers and they never knew! I would fly into rages, throwing things, screaming andhurting myself and others. Nothing was done except to punish me,like detention.

My dad figured I just needed stricter discipline and would hit me and punish me in any way he thought would stop this erratic behavior. He accused me of doing drugs when I wasn't. I hurt myself and even went so far as to burn my face seriously with a curling iron and no one said a word to me about it! My father was a truck driver and would go out of state often, leaving me home alone for days.

Shortly before my 14th birthday I ran away from home. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I knew that if I stayed at home I would end my life successfully and I didn't want to die yet. I also felt that my mental illness was causing me to be a burden on those around me and I didn't want to subject them to that any longer. I had tried my best to get help and even spoke to school counselors, but no one wanted to believe there was something going on beyond simple rebellion and teenage angst. I was living in hell and the fight or flight instinct kicked in. So, I ran away.
It was something I had never done before and never thought about until the day I left. I didn't take much with me but a few dollars and a backpack of clothes. I didnt't leave alone though. I had become close to a girl who was 2 years younger than myself and she wanted to go with me, so I let her. She was the one who decided we should go to Seattle since we lived in a fairly small town. There were no homeless people living there and we figured if you werehomeless, you should be somewhere where there where alot of people and opportunities. Opportunities for what, I didn't know. I just knew anything would be better than the hell I went through at home.

You may wonder what types of things a person does to survive on the streets. The answer is not pretty, but reality...you do what you have to do. There is no place for personal pride. That can get you killed. I am not proud of most of the things I did, but I truly felt I had no other option.
You may want to believe that my parents tried to find me, but the fact is that most of the homeless kids out there don't have anyone looking for them. Sometimes the parents are even relieved that the kid is gone and some parents kick the kids out and force them into homelessness.
For instance, I was friends with a 13 year old girl whose mother kicked her out when she found out the stepfather had been molesting her. Her reason was that she didn't want her daughter to be competition and steal her man!
When you are a child left to fend for yourself on the streets, you either learn real fast or you die. I have lost friends to death because of violence and drugs. The fact that I am still here often amazes me. I do also feel guilt that I made it while others did not. We all deserved so much more. And the number of unwanted children increases every year. We are a disposable society. You use something until your done and then dispose of it. This includes children, sadly.

~Some Homeless Links~
The National Coalition for the Homeless
Real Change, Seattle's Homeless Newspaper
Bay Area Homelessness Project
Homeless UK
Resources for the Homeless in the Portland Area
Homes for the Homeless
Homeless Arts Project