Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees," -- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet," -- Former British foreign minister, Ernest Bevin.

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." - Keppel Enderbery

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable." -- Dan Quayle

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." -- Dan Quayle, VP

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago!" -- Dan Quayle, VP

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation." -- Dan Quayle, VP

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenvillle, South Carolina

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." -- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." Carl Gustav Jung

"It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them." Alfred Adler

"Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious." Brendan Gill

"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand." Benny Hill

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." Albert Einstein

"Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercouse, yet he has left it out of his heaven." Mark Twain

"As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent." Socrates

"A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted." Helen Rowland

"A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce." Don Quinn

"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." Mae West

"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." Oscar Wilde

"My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." Socrates

"He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough." Lao Tsu

"Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting." Billy Rose

"A rich man's joke is always funny." Proverb

"Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river." Cordel Hull

"When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes." Dylan Thomas

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." Winston Churchill

"Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance." William Shakespeare

"A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies." Oscar Wilde

"There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money." Benjamin Franklin

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." Oscar Wilde

"I can resist everything except temptation." Oscar Wilde

"To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times." Mark Twain

"A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking." Arthur Block

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." Albert Einstein

"Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next." Franklin P. Jones

"The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face." Jack Handey

"What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary." Richard Harkness

"Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day." Benito Mussolini

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. Franklin P. Jones

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Oscar Wilde

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown

Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognise a mistake when you make it again. F. P. Jones

"Sure, everyone always said 'Socrates what is the meaning of life?' or 'Socrates how can I find happiness?', did anyone ever say 'Socrates hemlock is poison.'???????" Socrates right before his death

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations." David Friedman

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." Lily Tomlin

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." W. C. Fields

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'" Isaac Asimov

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©RangaShyam, 2003