Entertainment - Jokes

H O M E ------- E N T E R T A I N M E N T -------- J O K E S ------ M E N / W O M E N

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(M - Man , W - Wife)
M - "Hello?"
W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
M - "Yes."
W - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are.
I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
M - "What's the price?"
W - "Only $1,500.00."
M - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked.
I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
M - "What price did he quote you?"
W - "Only $60,000..."
M - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."
M - "What?"
W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."
M - "How much are they asking?"
W - "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
M - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
M - "Bye...I love u too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:
"Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man
and rested. Then God created woman. Since then,neither God nor man has
rested.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and
started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man
kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity
and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said,"Sir, I don't wish to interfere with
your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever
seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's
first husband."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a penny.The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned
over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then smiled "It really works!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky,mine's still alive."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage,
the "y" becomes silent.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man,after marriage
she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he
would go thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru
hell.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds "Wife wanted".Next day,he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have
mine."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one
thing: either the car is new or the wife is.......

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "What's the matter, you look depressed."
"I'm having trouble with my wife."
"What happened?"
"She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days."
"But that ought to make you happy."
"It did, but today is the last day."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Cats always do what they want.
2. They never listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats ...

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
3. They growl when they are not happy.
4. When you want to play, they want to play.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They leave their toys everywhere.
7. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
8. When you're bugged at them, they sulk in the corner.

CONCLUSION: Dogs are tiny men in little fur coats ...

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