21/11/98

dream: smoke ran around the room. the room was dusty and half sunlit. it had a ceiling twice the height of most classrooms--it was high, lots of space. i think it was a kindergarten room because there were two rows of sinks facing each other at one side. my throat and mouth then all at once filled with donut/cake sprinkles. i don't know if i couldn't swallow them, or i wasn't supposed to. i kept wanting to choke and it was hard to spit them out. i was over the sink for some long expanse, spitting, dripping (rainbow-coloured) sprinkles. anonymous people were milling around, though they weren't kindergarten kids. my throat STUCK; it was uncomfortable and long. i spit until it was sugar and blood, and on the last of it i went around to the opposite row of sinks, and SPIT. i was half-waking and caught a heap of spit from the side of my mouth and into my hand. then i wiped it on my blanket.

i guess i'm beginning some kind of dreaming log. joy to several of us. i had to wake up to pee at six in the morning, too.

23/11/98

i was going northern, on a bike. (note of music: sonic youth played out in my dream.) there were birch trees, scrubby miscellaneous conifers, dirt, and sometimes an asphalt bike path. the asphalt, sparingly, had been applied to the ground about the width of my tire wheel. in a sqiggly line. so i bicycled the same & wobbly.

that i know of, i don't dream of animals, other than occasionally two cats.

25/11/98

something like a rope-bridge or the strings and bars of stage theatre ceilings spanned across the upstairs of my house. the bridge led to a balcony, and then to a: thin black iron-railed case of stairs down to an area of woods and trees. the colours in the house reminded me of the three bears' house & goldilocks, for I DON'T KNOW WHY. the curtains? (bear foreshadowing) i received a visitor, who apparently had upset a bear outside. we slapped the door to latch heavy and fast. but the bear got up the steps, stomped the balcony, and busted through the upper door to cross the bridge. i don't recall more but that i bear-dodged on a bridge.

my dreams aren't sunny and bright. because i'm a moderately tanned vampire i sometimes sleep in sunlit hours; and my dreams still all take place in the dark or at night. i notice i also dream a bit about classrooms, and spacious heights.

26/11/98

i left a stadium lecture theatre. class was dismissing & filing out at some bedtime hour. the building was already darkened, signalling for us to leave. i was supposed to wait for an acquaintence though and i was led to a backstage/maintenance room to hang out for a while. the room was adjacent to a staircase so that the ceiling or wall was slanted; the floorspace was small, but it was a tall room, with shelves and stacks of media material up to heights. the occupant of the room was a friend of my acquaintance, a stranger to me. i had a tape to play, but there was no tape player--he pulled out a videotape though and i took it & popped the lid open to find room for an audiotape in its cavity. i played my music on a video screen.

music that seems to fit dreaming and dark

actually, let me digress into a really old nightmare. even as a kid, when i dreamed i was out in the day, the sky was dark blue/grey and cloudy (such as my easter bunny tickling dream). i like/prefer having nightmares now, unless they involve bugs. because i detest and recoil from bugs. no one understands. *sob* *run away*

a really long time ago, 1981?

i was with my class--in a basement classroom. the room was hazy, and i found my mom came to give me chocolates. as my mom left the room, the lights went out, so we followed her. a long passageway extended, and i could see the back of my mom walking away. each few steps we took, that hall section of lights went out. we'd walk more, and more lights went out, with longer and longer a black passageway left behind us. when we got out of the school and under a cloudy sky, i watched my mom heading to our car [happened to be a red '74 chevy nova hatchback]. i ran out to her but when she turned around, she wasn't my mom, or a she.

p.s. i never eat in my dreams. there's food, sometimes i'm picking out food, but i don't eat, or i don't have money to buy it, or i wake up before it gets to my mouth. (sprinkles don't count!)

did i mention i'm at one with nature? i don't know what to say about this one. wait. some people have names in my dreams. and it's rarer that i remember those than remembering the names of real people i meet. a note: i was planning a possible application of constraint, to telling every dream/every detail i dream: to save tedium, BUT dream journals aren't about constraint.

27/11/98

my sister and i were waiting at a bus terminal--night service so i had to wait a while. we were heading for different places, and her bus came before mine, so i sat under night and lamps for a bit longer. i reached my destination of school, and sat down for a class. i met a classmate named samuel and two other girls there as we shared notes and doodles. for the next class i got on an elevator but, absently, didn't press my floor number. i rode a little longer on the lift, and also then discovered a camera attached to me. i found my newly-known classmates on some hilly campus grove and took pictures of lines of people, with little kids sneaking in on the shot and running away - my last picture was of kids running away. samuel and i then headed towards an upper terrace of a valley looking down on what was a biblical play/production in full progress, with costumes, torches, music and song. within my dream, i noted oddly that each change of scene was introduced with 'dance of the sugar plum fairy'.

an uneasy fog sifts in on a lot of my dreams, even on ordinary daily-like settings, and i feel it, but it isn't strange until i wake up; i wake up weird. and for incoherence, point form follows.

28/11/98

- i carried a lab experiment baby on my shoulders. she went limp when i tried to lift her off from my shoulders.
- i was in a small basement bedroom with a tall chest of drawers standing on the far wall. i opened up the drawers like steps so my two cats could climb up. tummy orange cat hopped to the top of the chest, while quixote nestled in upcoming laundry.
- i loitered in an unfinished basement--cement floor, spare rugs--with my sisters who were eating unpleasant-looking maroon ice cream. there was a wood-stick bird cage on the floor that hit the height of my eyes. a few birds sat at the bottom, but the sticks were really too close together for me to look in.
- there was a chocolate-almond-like candy called 'daddy restless horses.'
- i met up with a friend in a concrete parkade stairwell. there were gaps in the railings and each step was narrow and tall; i felt like i would fall down each gap so i walked s-o slow, and hugged the wall and cleanched on the railings i could.

i'm just going to say: dreams are boring, incoherent, and ridiculous. i actually have kind of a few dreams about monsters.

29/11/98

i was walking around a downtown familiar to me in my dream. the buildings were a little crumbly and the edges of streets were a little black running along the sidewalks. i got to a building built in some earlier decade, built like a box; the roof was flat, and the front was covered in tall, large glass panes. i had to torch the building, and to lure the walking dead into its cinders. the building also happened to be half a playschool, and half a seniors' centre (i'm such a hero). strangely enough, it was night time, but even so, people were inside and i had to evacuate youngsters and older folks to unburning safety.

when i dream of my house, it is almost always the house i lived in when i was three-years-old to fourteen. i also semi-often dream that i'm telling someone my previous dream which, incidentally, helps me remember it when i wake up.

30/11/98

- i was at an outdoor poolside, and saw one girl be left behind by two girls, and i was sad.
- my house was filled with old robotic-looking computers.
- i followed all the purple lines on a school gymnasium floor.
- i told my sister about the purple dream.

no one else was around. this dream is the first i remember of feeling alone, not lonely, but i was the sole inhabitant in the place of my dream. "i'm so alone!"

01/12/98

i was in a giant kind of honeycomb, but each cell was a cube with blue-grey-black walls. and it was an expansive construction. above and all out to the sides dimmed into black nothing.

some of the time, all i remember is flashes.

04/12/98

mall escalator
rollerskates
fallen wheels
rollerskate thief
cult recruiter

this was the first dream i remember about having surgery & an extended sensation of pain. i also have lots of dreams about bathrooms.
some rambling.

05/12/98

- the daycare was a dark covered (wide) bridge or tunnel with small rooms attached along one side. kids & daycare workers were all running around. i had to use a toilet but they were all kid-sized. i tried out a few rooms, but both ceilings and toilets were cramped and too small. i walked the end of the hallway tunnel, which was carpeted and dimly lit. the end attached to a home-like complex: empty by apparance. i went to use the washroom (adult-sized), and now on my way out, a dinner party was dining & drinking in the hall. chandeliers and lights were turned on now. i didn't know how to leave. --i turned off each light switch as i got closer coming upon the hall & exit. i walked right by & was sure i was seen. but the guests seemed just baffled that the lights turned out. i guessed that i was a ghost by the end of the dream.
- needle and knife: i knew i had to take them. the room seemed only as big as the single bulb threw light to--a small circle. they pushed a needle into the middle of my back & i stayed still for minutes. a second needle was put to the side (right) of my back then. i was going to be opened up on that side. in my dream, i had an organ called an onion. it was a darkish red circular tube (like a bracelet). they severed this tube in two places, taking out two small pieces & kind of putting this organ back together (sloppily i thought & worried), like sticking a straw inside another straw's end.

nothing. i don't remember more.

06/12/98

mall      lecture theatres
downtown streets snow
surgery on clothes

more underground and basement, and heights.

07/12/98

- i dreamed of two resurrections, of rival secretaries.
- (basement office) (one overweight and one skinny)
- an advertisement skyscraper: ropes & gliding and a banner. i was hanging and floating funly.

more clips of december.

09/12/98

- a historical toilet in the mountains.
- thermostat off the wall.
- bus ride, tiny mountains, trails, hiking, trekking hilling, snowpants, steep cliff side--slide, fences, obstacles, magicland, soccer in a padded gym, mansion maids cleaning corners of ceilings with tube brushes of long red scary flowers.

the whole night of my dreams took place in an alien city. even when i was in my apartment there glowed a bluish glow.

11/12/98

apartment bits: i had my cat with me, who looked a little sleeker than usual. he was restless & really needed to be outside.
- a baby who sort of really needed a change of diapers was also in my apartment. i didn't want to change her so she did it herself.
- the bathroom floor was soaped through with soapy water (too many cognates?) and the toilet kept flooding (the toilet lid was rimmed with blue).

- i had 4 days of late charges on a video i took out in my dream.
- my two sisters and a stranger and i were walking some kind of carved out mountain tunnel paths, and hanging bridges (sort of like the set up they had in west ed's play area heading up to the moonwalk--except there was real soil, bigger). both my youngest sister and the stranger were confused about "accurate" & "fastest." in this dream i found myself trying to define pairs of words to them, like above & below. a lot of other people were climbing all around too. i think our destination was a street.
- my mom & my grandmother were going to commit suicide. i saw as i walked through, my mom smoking and walking, in a ruined (but quiet) place--sort of like the parthenon, but with less taller pillars & more lush greeney interspersed. i looked at her but left her alone & went on and walked a long hallway to walk into a run-down-type dressing room. my grandmother tied ropes around her neck,--and i started crying. i couldn't say what i wanted to say and i brought her to my mom so she could translate for me.

sometimes i dream about tv.

13/12/98

i watched the opening of a cartoon, about a family of bears or opossums or squirrels. a large-trunked tree was the background scene, with an overhanging horizontal branch. the dad bear walked on across the branch from the left to the right and hopped down to stand at the right side of the tree, all to cute video-gamey music. then followed the baby bear, who landed on his father's head. then it was the mom's turn, and as she hopped down next to the dad bear, she gave him a friendly punch in the stomach which made a cute =buum= noise as the music of the opening finished. i laughed out loud to the punching bouncy noise in my dream. i thought it was hilarious.

one more dream concentrating on my mouth, and specifically teeth.

14/12/98

- one of my teeth became loose & i spit it out--purple orange green background.
- i dreamed of alice and the smoking caterpillar, but this time the caterpillar wasn't aloof, but more nervous. they were examining vials.

this dream felt windy/outside. i know, i'm getting sloppier recounting.

17/12/98

in a crowded indoor amusement arena with super high ceilings, i jumped up to an upper platform, happy-like. and a kid behind me made fun of me, a comment that involved something about crayola. i gave him the finger & he asked me why & i said something smarmy. he thought it was funny so he brought me to a toy booth and bought me crayons. i said i'd draw a picture for him later (with background crowds of people and people blended together, a pineapple too). i started drawing bert (who has a pineapple face) and ernie in a crowd/chaos scene, and drawing feet and boot. then i remember i started drawing on a doll, trying to draw in ernie's ears. it didn't look too beautiful so i decided to cut the picture out, more like paperdolls with scissors.
- new apartment. cat, dog jumping. known neighbour. grandparents' house. school notes being used and ruffled. my old house, my mom was in an outfit belonging to another decade. olive short skirt, orange and green floral shirt. she told us about her trip to california, dancing like a kid. she looked beautiful & i told her that. she said the trip was cheap if you flew to a small town first. the crayola guy and a runaway dropped by. i didn't think he looked old enough to drive but he had a gremlin-like car that was coloured like an old rollerskate--light brown with brown stripes. we had to get out of an upper parking lot to get out on the street and he drove with the trunk open in back & drove sitting in the trunk. he drove like a bumper car.

i used to have a lot of dreams where i was chased and pursued with sinister/survival tones.

20/12/98

chasing--in a basement of a big building, a vast network of halls and rooms and doors. hospital-like. i ran.
i was confronted by one pursuant. i found i had a torchgun in my hand. his face wouldn't burn.
i had to help hide some body. he/she/i had turned to blue white gravel. i had to put the gravel down a metal gray sink.

i didn't like stepping around this dream.

29/12/98

scrubby (clean brother). it was a filthy farm and dog house with dirt floor. the entire backward was covered in a layer of green spraypaint. there was the family bowling alley in the backyard. i had to climb a rope spindle to reach the entrance. something about fruit puddings.

sweet dream.

23/12/98

i lived in a glass house with twigs, a ladybug, and plywood bedding.

skyscraping pattern.

26/12/98

- i had to detonate an office skyscraper, but save four bands and columns for a wedding that united two rival groups. the bride later outside of the wreck of the building (on a grassy hill) turned into a beautiful horse.
- i was looking at stickers in a 24-hour supermarket when i was accused of shoplifting my own ratty scarf by an incompetant but burly security guard. i went on the run.
- by a small lake and hillside, everyone was outside in the dark and studying for exams. the air and night and people had an unwholesome feeling.

something about swimming at the beginning. more mouth full.

28/12/98

i found my mouth stuffed/filled with kleenex ball pieces. i was in an olden-days locker room trying to pry them out at a sink.

it's night-time again.

29/12/98

- i and an anonymous companion were journeying through a bog that was quite vast (dark green beyond), but shallow too. for i don't know what reason, we were crawling to get to where we wanted, and my knees and fingernails got stuck with mud-gravel.
- at our destination's edge a junkyard sloped down to the water, and we snuck around a maze of manufactured skeletons and garbage. by a car tire i found the directions to the nearest vet for my cat.
- the vet's house was a modern one-storey, and evacuated apparently. the closets were empty and each room we found near bare. we last reached the living room, and knocked on the door. a sickly vet answered.

i was once called an awkward princess. eugh. i snickered uncomfortably, then swatted bugs.

01/01/99

i was an eastern princess taking the train, wearing painted hands and arms, and going on a penny candy run.

i guess i dream about animals more than i think, but i don't get to interacting with them.

03/01/99

two elephants pressed against the outside of my window, and then it seemed like they swam away.

i last held some amount of control over a dream a long time ago. it's usually fleeting, and i drift back into not being conscious that i'm sleeping and dreaming.

05/01/99

half-semi-conscious and really tired, i thought i heard someone knocking/rattling on the door. but i couldn't get up and check. i think then i began dreaming that i did get up, but became aware of my sleeping position in bed, still feeling my body lying down. i decided to prove to myself i was sleeping and started hovering in my room. i floated to the ceiling and kind of moved around like in space, manouevring around without a lot of speed. dipping and rising-like. it wasn't fun though because i couldn't get my body to wake up.

i seem to have a number of dreams where i have a lot of difficulty ridding my mouth of foreign substance.

05/01/99

wax & some other unknown material was lodged in the back of my mouth and throat. like always and unpleasantly, i futilly spit and pulled out more pieces and pieces. i woke up before i could attain some emptiness.

i've been dreaming more about cheap high rise apartment builings and elevators & stairwells since i've been living in one.

07/01/99

- i lived in a building where the stairwells were more like submarine ladders and tubing. the third floor was reserved for an opera house.
- there was some chanting going on that i really wanted to remember when i woke up.
- my sister threw up in a mailbox.

dreams fade faster the more you wake.

12/01/99 7:20pm

- freight elevators that rumbled vertical, as well as horizontal, transported me in a dark metal-green warehouse.
- some more about bathrooms.
- plastic wind-up toys ate each other.

i believe i have more interesting dreams when i am writing exams. i am not writing exams.

17/01/99

- at the parting from an awkward social engagement, a woman held out a (muffin or cookie or apple) as if to give it to me, but she wouldn't let go. it fell on the floor and i knew i was supposed to pick it up.
- i jaywalked a snow-slippery & busy traffic street.
- i rolled the apple into the wheel of a parked business van.
- bullies chased me on bike. my own bike was a flimsy contraption.
- i owned a bright yellow (yellow) shar-pei-like dog. it had short legs, and it was round and chubby. i leaned towards its face and felt its fur against my nose.

i dream about music fairly often, and it usually slips away when i wake up.

18/01/99

i went through a children's songbook and sung a few parts. the songs were new to me and a lot of verse lines were multiply repeated.

i'm late for a lot of things in my dreams. also more bathrooms.

20/01/99

i was in a nicely-fountained mall and i needed to use the washroom. but each toilet was dirty, and flooded with bundles of newspaper.
i also dreamed i transferred late into an english class so i missed the first week. i then was also late for the second week's class because i was watching scooby do.
should i be more selective in choosing which dreams to remember?

i've been sick since thursday. i used to have stranger dreams when i had fevers.

25/01/99

i looked in on a laboratory filled with identical superheroes that all looked sort of like cyclops, except they were different colours. one orange hero didn't want to be orange.

sometimes i dream of meticulous and ordinary tasks.

26/01/99

i was slicing white and light-coloured tissue paper into many tiny pieces with a pen-knife.

ok. wanna know something? i have dreams where i'm on the internet.

07/02/99

i dreamed i was doing a personality index for career, online. my results was candy-theif. i later dreamed i was at a mall/market by the side of a highway and i strolled around in the candy stores in my underwear.

mark comment: "you're 22 years old, and your preferred occupation is candy thief?" yes. yes it is.

i dreamed i got to ingest food--usually i just get to look at food in my dreams.

13/02/99

i ate magic ice cream, at a trade show?
chocolate.

more spy system dreaming.

14/02/99

i met an underground system boy, with long bottom eyelashes. i decided not to comment on them because i thought people would tell him that a lot.

bird babies.

15/02/99

i had to feed two baby birds--their names were pancake and sandra cookie--with a human baby bottle. their beaks were too small so i put them in my mouth and drank the bottle to feed them.

faint.

16/02/99

night driving. one body dead.

i play video games.

17/02/99

i dreamed i was playing "twisted metal," a playstation video game. my hips were the buttons and one of my opponents was bugs bunny.

i live by an old train station.

18/02/99

a woman was stuttering to the sound of construction/destruction going on outside my window.

some of the time i dream of my own movies of poor taste. a few other things happened too.

20/02/99

- i was watching a teen character movie. there was the nerd, the heavy guy, the sexy female student, the wild-haired psycho stalker student. sort of like national lampoon's senior trip. except the wild-haired student wasn't as amusing as kevin mcdonald. not that i liked the movie. the high school was housed in a skyscraper, and "kevin" was the elevator operator. he let out a (regular) passenger on the outside of the building, on a precipitous floor, and the passenger just rappelled down the heights with a link chain to reach the street.
- i looked up the name john loan lynns in the phone book.
- i and a friend walked through a courtyard basement to find ourselves in the middle of a semi-intense knife fight between two delivery boys. they got angrier and yelled at us to get out of the way. as we tried to pass through, my friend got cut in the hand. we ran to lock ourselves in a shelter room, and he pressed his hand into my shirt sleeve to hold the bleeding.

few words.

21/02/99

i met a man named little blue. he was not little or blue.

heart beating. dreams are not as frightening outside of sleep. they get pretty silly actually.

25/02/99

i was in a large, dark, commanding house surrounded by a cult-like family. we all noticed at the window that the house across from our backyard had gone dark. all the windows black. i watched black ghosts drift in their backyard with hole eyes. a polar bear walked around their roof. we had recently received and opened a package (distributed around town) and we linked these deliveries to the arrival of ghosts so i heaved and flung the contents armful by armful out the window to save us from a darkening visit.

i really like dreaming nightmares. falling through a staircase: i used to be afraid of the stairs that have no backs to them. i walked on some today.

01/03/99

- i had to make incisions on my ears with the smallest pen-knife. i was to carve the shapes of two lines + and one line - , one smaller, one larger.
- i began walking down a staircase. my surroundings became more and more underground, cavernous, and swamplike. dark green, brown, black, blue. and the stairs with each foothold began to stagger and space and i held onto the walls and moved so slow. i didn't know what would happen if i fell. the swampy water then more appeared to be covered by a film like soup film, or a flimsy rubbery/plastic, inky tarp. and it undulated like green lungs. i wondered whether i could roll along.

tv character dreams. also a cutting/injection-type theme.

03/03/99

- i was looking at a selection of cartoon pictures, and cookie monster behind the wheel of a truck looked pretty cool to me.
- two salesladies in a mall were fighting as i walked into a store, and one suddenly stabbed the other with a colourful sharp instrument. then she started slicing her own leg as she sauntered away. i laughed (don't know why) and she turned back to look at me.
- scully and mulder offered back the tacky clothing items that the aliens bestowed on mankind.
- i ran into a man who looked like conan o-brien in a warehouse-like back passageway, and he looked guilty. he was a scientist about to clone himself as his wife, and they went into space to deposit two experiment babies. the babies could speak and handle fine coordination. one baby began slitting the skin of the other with a thin mosquito needle, across the eye and face, punturing crossways of small layers of space baby skin. the other baby just seemed annoyed.

i dream about things i don't do awake (besides the violence). i regularly don't look straight at people.

04/03/99

i smiled at a stranger with brown-red hair.