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JOKES

SEND ME MORE IF YOU HAVE THEM!!

Sing it, it sounds better.....

His baloney has a first name:

It's "I did not inhale."

His baloney has a second name:

"I wasn't getting tail."

He loves to sling it every day,

The White House people all just say,

That Billy Clinton has a way

Of making bullshit sound OK!

President Clinton was in Bagdad talking about the peace accords. Clinton noticed there were 3 buttons on Saddam's chair. He didn't think anything of it at the time. After a few minutes Saddam pressed the fist button. Immediatly a box popped out in front of Clinton and a boxing glove popped up and punched Clinton in the nose. Clinton was a little dazed, but he wanted to continue with the peace accords so he kept talking. After a few minutes Saddam pressed the second button. A boot came out of the floor and kicked Clinton in the shin. Clinton is starting to get angry, but he decides to go on. About 5 minutes later Saddam pressed the last button and another boot came up and kicked Clinton in the balls.

Clinton had had it at this point and jumped up and yelled, "That's it, I'll see you in Washington D.C. in 2 weeks!" Two weeks went by and Saddam came to D.C. He noticed 3 buttons on Clinton's desk and started to get ready for Clinton's revenge. He started talking and after a few minutes Clinton pressed the first button. Saddam ducked and nothing happened. He starts talking again, and after a few minutes Clinton pressed the second button. Saddam moved to the side, but, again, nothing happened. Saddam is starting to get suspicious, but he keeps talking. A few more minutes later Clinton pressed the third button. Saddam jumps up, and still, nothing happens. At this point Saddam is furious. He yells, " That's it, I'm going back to Bagdad."

Clinton looks straight at him and responds, "What Bagdad?"

It had snowed in Washington DC and Hillary had just arrived home and was walking into the White House when she noticed that someone had pissed in the snow, "I love you Hillary". Outraged; she asked a secret service agent to find who had done this disgusting act. A while later the agent came back and Hillary asked if he had found the culprit. The agent said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the piss is Bills but the bad news is that the hand writing is Monica Lewinsky's.".

Hillary Clinton goes to a new doctor in Washington for an examination and he discovers that she has crabs.

He thinks to himself "How am I going to tell the 1st lady that she has crabs?" After the exam he tells her to get dressed and meet him back in his office.

Once there he proceeds to tell her that she has a very unusual condition. She is quite concerned and asks him what it is. He responds that she is suffering from Nixon's Disease. She says "What?"

He again responds "Nixon's Disease."

She says, "Level with me doc, what does it mean?"

He responds, "Well Mrs. Clinton, to put it very bluntly, you've got bugs in your oval office."

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Crime Lab 2A-3356N, Wash DC

DNA Test Results: Clinton, William Jefferson

Dear Mr. Starr:

The test on the dress came back inconclusive.

Everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA.

Sorry,

The FBI

Why did Clinton name his dog Buddy?

He felt uncomfortable saying "Come Spot!"

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and a coke machine have in common?

A: They both have a place to insert Bills.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton quit playing the saxophone?

A: Because he decided to play the hormonica

Bill & Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."

Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, "Bill, Bill wake up." Bill finally wakes up and says, "What do you want?" Hillary responds, "I have to go use the bathroom." To which Bill says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom."

Hillary says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."

A man walks into a T-Shirt store and on the walls there where three t-shirts on display for sale.

The first row had the picture of Richard Nixon with a thin white mustache and below the picture it was titled: GOT MILK The second row of shirts were the picture of Ronald Reagan with the white mustache and it was titled: FORGOT MILK And the third was of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache and under her it was titled: NOT MILK

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.

"What is it?" yells the President.

"It's this abortion bill, Mr. President. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks.

"Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President.

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.

"Will I be acquitted?"

LETTER TO HEAVEN A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read: Dear Lord,

Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington DC and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95

ACTUAL QUOTES FROM D. C. MAYOR MARION BARRY:

"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather." - M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."