THE SHIT LIST:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: The science of catagorizing shit has been thoroughly investigated and developed over the years by our shit specialists. Some said you are what you shit. This saying is true because the kind of food you eat really does affect the nature of your shitting habits. The following is the breakdown of types of shits:
GHOST SHIT -- That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.
CLEAN SHIT -- The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET SHIT -- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped. So you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with brown stain.
SECOND WAVE SHIT -- It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to shit some more.
BRAIN-HEMORRHAGE-THROUGH-YOUR-NOSE SHIT OR THE POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD SHIT -- The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.
RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT -- The kind where you shit so much that you lose 30 pounds.
CORN SHIT -- Self explanatory.
LINCOLN LOG SHIT -- The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few prices with your toilet brush.
DRINKER'S SHIT --That is the kind of shit that you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticable trait is the treadmarks left on the bottom of the toilet.
"GEE, I WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT -- That's the kind of shit where you want of shit, but all you do is sit of the toilet cramped and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP SHIT -- That's the type where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you side ways.
WET CHEEKS SHIT OR THE POWER DUMP SHIT -- That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
LIQUID SHIT -- That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time chronically burning your tender anus.
MEXICAN FOOD SHIT -- A class all its own!!