What the hell is a General Protection Fault?

You've all seen it. You've all detested it. That good ol' GPF of Windows is capable of reducing even the most stoic to hurling obscenities (and other more tangible objects) at the computer screen. What's a General Protection Fault? In short, it's what happens when two perfectly civil applications start throwing punches over the use of the same memory address. But of course you already knew that. That "details" button you could press could sure shed some light on the situation(ha.), but unless you're familiar with the marvels of memory mapping and hexadecimal counting, it's not much help. Then there's the infamous Blue Screen of Death from which the "esc" button has never saved me. Ever.

What to do about those damned Windows error messages? Well, there's the handy dandy "ctrl-alt-del" method of dealing with them, but that only works if your computer still accepts input from your keyboard. Next step is the reset button, and that's halfway to just turning off the power altogether. Yet even a reboot, though most of the time it does present a solution to the problem, cannot mitigate the frustration, or time consumption, caused by the whole process.

But fear not. Currently circulating on the internet is an idea that may take some of the bite out of GPF's and other like occurrences. Instead of sterilized messages or cryptic memory errors, this idea calls for a more compassionate, if not more artistic, message to be displayed when Windows goes awry. What does this do about the errors themselves? Nothing. But these Error Haikus (For Unusable Computer Terminals), or EH (FUCT), for short, add a human face to a normally cold and unyielding error message. Rather than simply generating a default message and placing it defiantly on a pedestal, these EH (FUCT) almost make you believe that there is life after the Blue Screen of Death. Some EH (FUCT) can even lighten your outlook on life. When was the last time an error message made you feel that way?

So save those face-blushing obscenities for later. These EH (FUCT) can take a load off your mind. Enjoy.

-Jeff Web Guy Li

this is a certified product of much to much caffeine, much too little sleep, and a smidgin of Windows fickle

A file that big?

It might be very useful.

But now it is gone.

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The Web site you seek

cannot be located but

endless others exist

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Chaos reigns within.

Reflect, repent, and reboot.

Order shall return.

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ABORTED effort:

Close all that you have.

You ask way too much.

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First snow, then silence.

This thousand dollar screen dies

so beautifully.

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With searching comes loss

and the presence of absence:

"My Thesis" not found.

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The Tao that is seen

Is not the true Tao, until

You bring fresh toner.

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Windows NT crashed.

I am the Blue Screen of Death.

No one hears your screams.

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Stay the patient course

Of little worth is your ire

The network is down

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A crash reduces

your expensive computer

to a simple stone.

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Yesterday it worked

Today it is not working

Windows is like that.

(my personal favorite)

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Three things are certain:

Death, taxes, and lost data.

Guess which has occurred.

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You step in the stream,

but the water has moved on.

This page is not here.

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Out of memory.

We wish to hold the whole sky,

But we never will.

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Having been erased,

The document you're seeking

Must now be retyped.

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Rather than a beep

Or a rude error message,

These words: "File not found."

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Serious error.

All shortcuts have disappeared.

Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

And my contribution-

You've got a problem:

A General Protection Fault.

Time to get the bat.

There's no place like home!

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