Season's Greetings

Money's Short

Times are Hard

Here's your Fucking

Christmas Card

 

Twas the night before christmas

and all through the house

everyone felt shitty

even the mouse

 

mom at the whorehouse

and dad smoking grass

I'd just settled down

for a nice piece of ass

 

when out on the lawn

I heard such a clatter

I sprung from my piece

to see what's the matter

then out on the lawn

I saw a big dick

I knew in a moment

it must be Saint Nick

 

He came down the chimney

like a bat out of hell

I knew in a moment

the old fucker fell

 

he filled all our stockings

with pretzels and beer

and a big rubber dick

for my brother the queer

 

he rose up the chimney

with a thunderous fart

the son of a bitch

blew the chimney apart

 

he swore and he cursed

as he rode out of sight

piss on you all

and have a good night

 

have a nice christmas, asshole

 

This chain letter is dug out of the dusty files of email every Christmas, and is meant to bring the receiver of this letter good tidings and all the presents he/she wants.

Be warned, you must send this to as many people as possible. Think of all the people you can in thirty seconds, and send it off to every single one of them. Do not worry if people receive this more than once, for it will then be their problem, not yours.

This message has to be sent within 12 hours of first reading it, and in subsequent receiving of this letter it must be sent within 6 hours. This chain letter might have not circulated the world 9 times, because it only has it's effect in the USA, the REAL home of Christmas.

Jennifer Bolen of San Francisco received this letter in 1993, and neglected it until three days after. She was rewarded on Christmas with a family of dead squirrels nested in her chimney when she lit a fire. The smell caused them to evacuate the house, ruining Christmas.

Xavier Thomas of New Orleans received this one in 1992, and sent it to three hundred and forty-seven people. His Christmas gifts ranged from a new car to the most beautiful woman he had ever seen break down in front of his house Christmas morning.

Helen Garcia received this letter last year, and blew it off like every other email. The day after Christmas she was actually run over by a reindeer in a post-Christmas celebration parade.

Jeffrey Dahmer received this email the day before he was incarcerated, but did not have the chance to reply. He got his ass BEAT in prison, and his only Christmas present was a wooden casket.

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