Season's Greetings
Money's Short
Times are Hard
Here's your Fucking
Christmas Card
Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
even the mouse
mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass
when out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
to see what's the matter
then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it must be Saint Nick
He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
the old fucker fell
he filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer
he rose up the chimney
with a thunderous fart
the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart
he swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
piss on you all
and have a good night
have a nice christmas, asshole
This chain letter is dug out of the dusty files of email every Christmas, and is meant to bring the receiver of this letter good tidings and all the presents he/she wants.
Be warned, you must send this to as many people as possible. Think of all the people you can in thirty seconds, and send it off to every single one of them. Do not worry if people receive this more than once, for it will then be their problem, not yours.
This message has to be sent within 12 hours of first reading it, and in subsequent receiving of this letter it must be sent within 6 hours. This chain letter might have not circulated the world 9 times, because it only has it's effect in the USA, the REAL home of Christmas.
Jennifer Bolen of San Francisco received this letter in 1993, and neglected it until three days after. She was rewarded on Christmas with a family of dead squirrels nested in her chimney when she lit a fire. The smell caused them to evacuate the house, ruining Christmas.
Xavier Thomas of New Orleans received this one in 1992, and sent it to three hundred and forty-seven people. His Christmas gifts ranged from a new car to the most beautiful woman he had ever seen break down in front of his house Christmas morning.
Helen Garcia received this letter last year, and blew it off like every other email. The day after Christmas she was actually run over by a reindeer in a post-Christmas celebration parade.
Jeffrey Dahmer received this email the day before he was incarcerated, but did not have the chance to reply. He got his ass BEAT in prison, and his only Christmas present was a wooden casket.
###