<BGSOUND SRC="midi/All_The_Small_Things.mid" loop=-1> The Reality

The reality is somewhat ugly if it is compared to my fantasy or whatever I want. My life in reality is more like a rollercoaster ride; if you say everyone's life is like a rollercoaster ride, then, mine's probably the longest, biggest, and tallest in the world. And what's more, it's non-stop! Despite that, my life's quite dull and totally boring. My life's becoming somewhat more bored as I grew older. Sometimes, I think the time passes even faster when someone is older. Y2K marks my life as a twenty-year old lad. But, so far, nothing exciting has happened, is happening or will be happening.

When I was five, during my first day of kindergarten, something occurred. I, somehow, freaked out when my mommy dearest left me. At that time, I thought she wanna dump me and will never be back for me again. I cried. I was probably the only one who cried out loud in my class. Even the girls didn't cry (probably they were having fun with the boys, huh?). For sure, I can remember very that day very well. That very incident has proved it clear enough for a six-year old kid to understand - I was a shy kid. My shyness has turned me into a pathetic guy as I grew up. When I was fourteen, I began to look things indifferently. I looked down on the floor when I walk. I was damn pathetic. You wanna know why? Well, puberty hitted my badly, so badly that I was really deformed and hideous. I even wore a stupid spectacle which just last for six years coz I'm wearing contact lenses now.

As I grew up, my appearance began to change gradually, of course not naturally. I had to wash my face sometimes a dozen times a day; and I also apply acid on my face! Guess what? It works! Somehow, my life's still suck, maybe not as much as it previously was. I'm not as shy as I was, somehow I'm still overshadowed by my past. The 'feel good' mood isn't inside me. I feel a little bit vain most of the time.

For one moment, my life was even more hectic than Jalan Ampang. That was when I worked temporary and studied part-time. I slept at 3 A.M. and gotta wake up by 6 A.M. and this went on for two months! Somehow, I survived that! I could amazingly cope with all those busy lifestyle. The odd thing is that after quitting my job, then only, I turned sick. I became very very sleepy as if I had too many things to do. Maybe because I had many things to catch up I have turned into an insomniac. My daily bedtime is around 4 A.M. to 6 A.M. What the heck am I doing at this hour? I'm actually doing a research on the cure for AIDS. Ha, ha, frankly, I'm probably doing some soul searching. They said soul only wakes up at nite. Nah, I'm awake just to spend some time to chat with my cyber friends of which some of them are real! I'm a real IRC addict. Only during my working days, I manage to chat less just because I had to work and study (I still chat during those days, amazing, ain't it?). On normal days, even if my intention for being online is to check mail, I could easily hop into the chat room, and chat for four or five hours with my fellow addicts. I can't help it. At least I'm enjoying myself. I was actually rushing my time to complete this website. I'm supposed to finish up this website long time ago if I didn't procrastinate. But, by the time you are reading this, I've already finished making this website or better known as my official personal homepage. Anyway, that's me, the lazy guy who always procrastinate. Maybe somebody has injected that lazy hormone into me. Who knows? Besides being online at some unearthly hours, sometimes, I have to catch up my favorite shows on TV by watching the recorded version as I don't have time to watch it when the shows are showing on TV. Other times, I watch WWF, live soccer match or Formula 1.

A typical life of mine would go like this...
wake up after noon, take a bath (depends if I'm lazy or not, haha), have lunch, then, I would go online to check e-mails while chatting on IRC/ICQ while surfing the net (mostly on Bolt.com or eCircles.com) while downloading a game or MP3 simultaneously; I would disconnect when it's dinner time, then resume straightaway after that! Sometimes I would play some computer games. Sometimes I would update my websites. You can sense my life's pretty boring, and I HATE MY LIFE!

So, an escape in my life to all these would be really great. I hardly have time to do that. I would love hanging out in café especially 'The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf' (frankly speaking, Starbucks suck!), I would definitely enjoy sipping an 'Ice-Blended Mocha' and nibbling some cheesecake as would my friend. We would chat and linger and chat for hours. That's what I call life. Well, not exactly, but, I would love to do that than what I am doing right now. Sometimes, I really think life's a dèjá vu. It just happens over and over again, the same damn thing. To be very honest, I think wherever I'm living in now is not where I belong to.

I really wish I could be somebody else... just anyone else. I wish I can be anyone I wanted to and that's what I can do in cyber world. I wish I can be a super model... Norman Mailer... and no one would know the difference, or would they? I can be a cape crusader, or a space invader, and no one would know the difference, or would they?