Journal of Tarakeshwari Paga (Contd...)

Journal of Tarakeshwari Paga, Cedar Rapids, USA (Contd 2...)

8/6/2004

I have been going to bed the last 2 nights in tears. I am very very anxious to know whether I conceived or not. And the 2ww is very stressful. I have been very angry these last few days and have blasted lots of people - whether they deserved it or not - I just couldn't control myself and stop the words from coming out of my mouth in time. Well here is a re-cap of my IF treatment so far:

Just a recap of what happened
{-------------------------------------}
Feb 1 02 - surgery,
june 16 02 - hsg - all clear -
July 13 02 =cd1 - tried 50 mg clomid (cd 3-7). Did not O. No AF either.
Mar 22 cd3 - 100 mg clomid (cd 3-7).
Started Glucophage. Slowly increased to 1500mg daily OVER a period of 3 weeks. June 11 03 cd1 - 100 mg clomid (cd 3-7). O'd. 18mm follie on right side on cd13. hCG on cd14 and IUI on cd15 (june 25). I think I O'd on 26. AF came on its own on July 09 for the first time in several years! Prog level 21.5 on cd 21.

July 11 03 cd3 - 100 mg clomid (cd 3-7). No O.
July 21st = first u/s = max 10 mm follie on left side
July 24th = second u/s. No growth. Lining thickened. Busted cycle.
*****************
2/21/2004-CD1 - WHILE I WAS AT LATHA'S PLACE
3/8/2004-141 LBS
3/12/2004-140 POUNDS AS OF THIS MORNING

4/8/2004: CD1
4/12/2004: Start letrozole 2 tablets days 5-9 (instead of 3-7 like before)
4/28/2004 - very very dry lips and thirsty. got my glucophage refill
yesterday. sudden sharp pains in boobs just for a few seconds. once only.
back pain. legs pain - maybe from the belly dancing class yesterday. mid
afternoon "pitth"
4/29/2004 - back pain. last few days, feeling very very sleepy. 72.2,72.1,69.7

7/9/04-CD1
7/11/04-Day 1 of 2.5mg Letrozole: 8:30 pm every night with folic acid/B6/Cod Liver/Calcium
7/15/04-Day 1 of Repronex: 75IU at 12:00 noon. Intra Muscular injection self-administered on right thigh. Total 4 inj.
7/18/04-Day 8 of treatment: 4 10x10 mm(approx.) follies found. purchased 2 more inj of Repronex. Back for u/s on 7/21. hCG inj. taken on 7/23
7/25/04-Went for IUI this morning. Only 2 large follies 18 mm on right side. the other 2 I had on the left had not grown and were shrinking

9-10-2004 - CD1 after second failed cycle of Repronex
9-30-2004: Period came because I stopped taking the BCP which I took for about 10 days.
11-19-2004 - CD1

11/28/04
Sandy and I went to Biltmore Estates. During the ride to and back we talked about old times and some of the decisions taken at that time. I think that opened up a lot of memories subconsciously for me – that night, I thought about my MIL and FIL and what they had said to us (me and parents) at the Badi Chowdi house. I remembered that my MIL did say that her son limped while walking. "Kunt thanamma nanna maga" that is what she had told me. They had said some 'story' about it being a side effect of the surgery. Remembering and acknowledging this made such a huge difference mentally and emotionally for me. It is like several small small nerves connecting in my mind and making sense. I also remembered that one of the strongest reasons for my marriage was that I couldn’t wait to get out of the house and get as far away from my mother as I could. Recognizing and accepting these items is very important for my weight-loss journey.

8/6/2004

DECCAN - Y RAVI KUMAR
B Tarakeswari Paga
Sungrace Face: A widened forehead shows an active, ambitious, unbounded self-confident person with positive thinking, the ability to overcome all problems and take on family responsibilities. You are brilliant — very shrewd, yet gentle. The influence of Mars is causing uneasiness and hurdles in getting children. But September 2005 is an excellent period for having a child and January 2006 is the best period for securing an excellent job. Perform Mangal pooja for Kuja dosham every Tuesday for seven weeks and wear a white coral set in gold.

Performed puja on these days so far:
12/28
1/4/05
1/11/05 : Also did fasting (only water)
--4 more Tuesdays to go.

2/15/2005

Finished the fifth and last Tuesday of fasting on 2/8/2005. That is also the day I started my period CD1. started 5mg letrozole Cd3-Cd7. Started injections yesterday. Today I was mad at Raghu because he does not even peep into the room to see how I am doing at the time of injecting. I would have liked him to do that.
Dr Davis said that this is a crucial cycle for me since after this they have noticed that the effect of medications reduces. I am scared. I am afraid of the disappointment and sadness I will feel wen this cycle fails, for it surely will fail like the last few times (with clomid, as well as injectibles). I know it will be intense. I will probably take a day or two off so that I can cry alone and recover enough to get back to life afterwards. I don't think I will do another treatment cycle after this. I will not take any more medications. If it happens, it will. If it is meant to be it will happen. I hope, for the sake of my dad (who said he is doing upavasa on Saturdays for me) I hope this cycle is a success. Amen.
6/13/2005
Our trip (start: 6/3/2005; end: 6/12/2005) was wonderful. We stopped for dinner in Shiela's house after 4.5 hours of driving from IOWA before continuing our drive to Warren, OHIO. We drove for total 8.5 hours on June 3rd before we finally checked into a motel for some sleep at 1:00 a.m. We woke up at 6:00 and started driving and reached Warren, OH after 2.5 hours. We talked to Gupta and Nandini for a little bit, and left from there at 1:00 in the afternoon after having lunch. We reached Baltimore at 6:30 p.m. Finally! On Sunday, Sridhar and Anuradha showed us Washinton D.C. along with their 4 daughters. It was fun. It was a very warm day. I was impressed with Washington. Anu and I went to Lincoln Memorial and Museums, while Raghu sat outside since he could not walk. We toured the area in a "trolley/bus" that is available for a fee to tourists. Raghu had a good time touring in the trolley. He really enjoyed being out with all of us although of course he did not walk but saw all the buildings from the trolley itself.

On Monday June 6th we went to Indu's house in the afternoon since she had taken some time off from work to see us. I saw her twin girls for the first time. They are so cute. And both are social and affectionate. Indu Mohan was a good host. Indu made Huliavalakki and Indu Mohan made Pesarettu. We had roasted badam and cherry for snack. On Wednesday evening, Sridhar's family with his 4 daughters and we drove to Indu's house and had Pizza. That night we slept over in their house and left for OHIO again on Thursday morning at 8:45. We reached before 2:00 in the afternoon. Gupta took a late lunch at work and joined us for lunch. We went to park, mall etc, and left from there on Friday afternoon at 12:30 to SHiela's house in INDIANA. We stayed there until Sunday morning and left from there at 6:00 a.m. reaching IOWA at 11:30. We had a wonderful time everywhere.

6/28/2005
Yesterday was a big day for Raghu and me. We faxed the application form for adoption to WACAP at 6:45 p.m. Yea! We are so excited! We will have our child home soon! This is so exciting

This afternoon at 2:00, I checked my weight. I weigh 159 pounds. This is the first time I remember in a long time - in fact, since the surgery - that I have crossed 158 pounds. I cannot believe that in March 2004, I weighed 141 pounds.

3/3/2006
Well, I have this volcano in me that feels like it's going to burst. I hate doing something I don't want to. Raghu is saying now that he doesn't want to adopt. So even though Robin had emailed me, I didn't respond. What's up with Raghu? I hate him so much for being the jackass that he is. There! That made me feel much better already. These stupid people illi kelasa dalli - hucchuru - avarige hege beko haage madthare. Nanna yava salahe nu keluvadilla. Nanu ondu bombe ashte illi. Mera koi bhi keemath hi nahin hain yahan parr. Mujhe kuch poochthe hee nahin hai. Jaise ki main bas, koi naukar hoon unki. Vaise tho "Naukari" ka matlab hei hotha hai ki main kisi ki naukar hoon. Lekin bura lagtha hai yaar. Bahuth bura lagtha hai. Main bhi kitni buddhu hoon - main sirf sochthi hoon - kuch karthi nahin. Zyaada kaam karne se bhi darthi hoon. Abhee IVF ke baare mein bhi soch rahee hoon na, tho mujhe lagtha hai ki yahin accha rahega. Jo jaanthi hoon - wahee karoongi tho uthna stress bhi nahin hoyega na!

6/26/2008
Our beautiful daughter was born on April 3rd, 2007 (although due date was April 11th). We had a grand celebration for her 1st b'day.

6/26/2008
I am currently hoping and praying for a baby boy. I should know on July 7th or July 15th if I am expecting or not. But how?? Should I test FMU or if I don't get a period, should I get blood test?? The very thought of another baby is making me soooooo happy! The wait during the next few weeks is going to be very hard!